The Beach Chair

Movin' on up!

2008-04-18T15:17:00.002-05:00

So, if you've come here lately and not seen any posts, there are two reasons. One, I haven't had anything to write/talk about and two, I've been trying to find a cleaner site for the Beach Chair.

Alas!

The "new" Beach Chair can be found here:

http://jamarhudson.wordpress.com/

Understanding

2008-03-16T13:53:00.005-05:00

"I hope my true muthafuckas know, this be the realist shit I ever wrote" - Tupac

Those who read this blog on the regular know and understand how I feel about the SO. I dedicated several posts to her sharing with the outside world, how special she is to me and how much I care.

So to be fair and not to front like everything is always rosey and peaches and cream, I had to share went things weren't so good. So in my previous post, I did that.

To rehash, I fucked up a week or so ago. I made a mistake and upset the SO. It was, in the year or so we've known each other. The first "argument" we've ever had. It was my fault and I took and continue to take responsibility.

Now, because we have never had been in that situation, we really didn't know how the other person would react. Sure, we've had discussions of "past" situations and that gave each of us an idea of what to expect. But, until it happened we really didn't grasp it.

Naturally, for me, I wanted to quickly correct the problem. I shared with a few of my friends that in the days since, I've rewritten the book on apologies. And I have. That, and vowing to look at things I can change about myself that I know are not where they should be. Not that I haven't been doing so all along, but sometimes, things happen that open your eyes and put things in perspective.

For me, while not trying to dismiss or ignore what happened, it was squashed.

But I'm a guy and we're stupid.

She was hurting and rightfully so. While she tried not to be upset, the waterpark was open for business. Despite my attempts to make her smile and show her I was genuinely sorry, the pain was still there and it showed. The guy in me tried to figure out whether what I did was that bad. She validated it by putting it in the top five worst things of all time. For me, I thought that was bullshit. But I respected what she was saying.

In what I thought was a knee-jerk reaction, she suggested that maybe we needed to take some time apart so I could "grow" In this time, I could figure out "who I was individually" and do some self examination. Admittedly, it caught me off guard, but she was very adimant about it. She got reinforcement from her best friend that, in this situation, she would do the same thing as well.

Hearing that put me in a "What the fuck" state of mind. In know way, ladies, was I trying to ignore the fact that I messed up, because I did. But to me, I was given a 50 to life sentence for a parking violation. Was that fair? In my mind, no. For me, I was like look at my record, your honor. Never since we met, had I given her any reason to question my motives, but nonetheless, I needed time to "grow"

"Go to your room and think about it, and get at me later"

Perhaps the fact that I'm younger and still maturing doesn't allow me to see the "big" picture. But is there really a big picture to see? What happened to working through your problems together? No, you need a couple of months to grow up young man.

So, because I saw the passion in what she was saying and suggesting, I abliged. In my mind, I was just going to get the fuck out of the way. I wasn't going to call, be around, come visit or anything. Was I going to stop caring, no. Did this mean that my love and affection would cease. No. Because this was not something, I understood, nor wanted to do.

So, for all of 2 days, I tried, but because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing or where we stood, I had to call and seek clarification. So I did, going against everything I'd set out to accomplish during my "timeout" I had to know for myself.

And while she tried her bestest to explain things to me, I was still confused and because of that frustrated me more. To make a long story short (ha!) we decided maybe this wasn't the best thing for us.

I'm straddling the fence on this. In her eyes, I saw passion and sterness when she shared that this is what she thought was the best decision. And part of me thinks we gave up.

But aside from the fact that I disagree and don't see how this will benefit me, I was fearful about how this would affect our relationship. While it's easy to say "oh, in a couple of months, everything we'll be fine and we can revisit it" Quite frankly, to me that's bullshit. In my mind, does this mean, in the future every time we have a beef, she'll want to "disconnect" for a while. How healthy is that.

So to those who read this, please let me know if I'm totally off base here. I'm not perfect and never have claimed to be. All I want is undertanding. Because right now, although we're trying, I'm completely lost.

Change is good

2008-03-10T20:56:00.003-05:00

Greetings! I know, I know. It's been like a month since I've relaxed in the Beach Chair, but I've had a lot going on.

But...better late than never.

Nobody and I mean nobody, should ever think so highly of themselves that they're immune to change. Because at some point in time, there are things about his or herself that needs altering.

I've reached that point.

Guys are dumb. Present company included. And, when it comes to relationships, we are even dumber.

This past weekend, I messed up with the SO. And while the first step is admitted you're wrong, it could have been avoided.

I'll save you the details, but understand, it was kind of bad. In the bad 48 hours, I've rewritten tbe book on apologies.

While my intentions were good, my methods were horrible. But, in hindsight, the experience although negative may have been a positive in the long run.

It was an eye-opener for me and made me realize that, if I want to keep this good woman I have, there are things I need to straighten up.

Not to say that I need to change who "I" am, but in reference to the relationship and its future success, there are things that need tweaking. And I intend on doing so.

For both parties, it's a work in progress. She, while adamant of not wanting me to change, had to understand that I'm attempted to this not for me, but for us, and our best interests is in my efforts.

There are things about me that I am not proud of. Some related to the relationship and some not. But to avoid them and hope they will pass over is the wrong approach. Not that I shouldn't with all of them, but certain ones I've prayed hard about. Others are just a matter of using better judgement and making better decisions.

I want to be the best I can be, but to be the best, there needs to be some work done under the hood. Change is not necessarily a bad thing.

Do you like me? -- Check "yes" Check "no"

2008-02-11T16:53:00.000-05:00

So Thursday is Valentine's Day. A day in which guys across the nation scramble to do something nice for that special young lady in their life. If you need proof, go to the mall or your local CVS or Walgreens on Wednesday evening and notice all the frantic looks on the guys faces as they struggle to get that last minute card for their boo.

To my surprise, many woman are against Valentine's Day Some say that this type of behavior should be shown everyday and not just when the calendar reads "February 14" Others have a man who "acts right" and doesn't want him to go out of his way to spend extra money because she's already happy. Others are just bitter because they are single and they see their co-workers, friends and family going out and they are left at home watching HGTV.

Not that there's anything wrong with not going out, but Valentine's Day is one of those days were you're kind of straddling the fence. It's one of those "this is what you're supposed to do" type of holidays. Meaning that for years, people have done things and for some reason, those traditions have just been passed down over generations. Roses, teddy bears, candy. But if my boo, jump-off, wife or significant other doesn't like/want any of those things, what's a guy to do.

Creativity is a must and it scores big with the ladies. So on Thursday if you don't want to be sleeping on couch Friday, do something nice for your special someone, even if it's a simple "do you like me" check yes, check no note.

Could it be?

2008-01-30T10:16:00.000-05:00

I've stayed away from the political talk on here for several reasons. The main one being that the campaigning has been going on for over a year and I wanted to wait until we still didn't have 100 candidates in the running.

So, with loverboy John Edwards set to drop out of the democratic race, it appears it will come down to Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama for the democratic nomination.

With Super Tuesday looming, Obama is coming off a convincing win in South Carolina and is carrying a ton of momentum in what can be a make or break day for a candidate. With prominent democrat Ted Kennedy in his corner, Obama is gaining steam and has a lot of people in his corner.

Could it be?

Aside from "Run Jesse Run!" back in the late 80s, never has there been a black candidate who generated so much buzz. And, while Jackson had his moments, he never was really considered a serious contender like Obama is.

I'm not jumping on the bandwagon nor drinking the kool-aid of either candidate, but it says something that the two leading candidates for the democratic nomination is a woman and a black man. Either way, it will be historic.

But despite Obama's charisma and appeal, are we really, really ready for a black, even if he's lightskinned, president?

Only time will tell.

Yeah...she could get it

2008-01-24T16:46:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: I did this post as a guest blog for some friends of mine. But, because I'm a man of the people, I decided to post it here as well. Enjoy.

The lovely ladies of the Atlanta Soulcialites have been so kind to ask me my input on the top actresses over 40 who could “get it”. I thank them for the opportunity and also for opening a huge can of worms. I will put down my humble card for a few minutes, because there is no better authority of “get it-ness” than I.

I am of the opinion that a women, particularly those of color, get super fine until they are 35, so by 40, they are just right, to say the least. And while there are probably “regular” women in the neighborhood, the gym and in the beauty parlor over 40 who are just as, if not more fine, for this discussion, we’ll stick with actresses.

Again, these are my opinions, feel free to rip me apart.

It starts and ends with Halle Berry. When Andre 3000 came up with the Prototype, he was talking about here. Ever since she was the “other chick” in Boomerang a while back to her 10 seconds in Swordfish where she showed the world her goodies, Berry has always been considered one of the most beautiful women in the world. She could get it, whenever, wherever and however. Although, from her track record, I may be a little to dark for her.

Halle Berry: 5 magnums

A close second is Angela Bassett. Other than some random drunk chick at the club, nothing says getable other than class and elegance, all of which Bassett has. Even though Taye Diggs helped get her groove back, Bassett still has some left in the tank and could definitely get it…on silk sheets with the Waiting to Exhale Soundtrack playing in the background of course.

Angela Bassett: 4.5 magnums

Class and respect is fine, so by no means am I dismissing that or dismissing the get it-ness of Angela Basset, but sometimes you need a hood, ride or die chick. Enter Vivica Fox. The Soul Foodin’, Kill Billin’ Set if Off up in here actress turned socialite could get in the backseat of the caprice, with GUnit blaring out the subwoofers.

Vivica Fox: 4.2/3 magnums

I honestly tried to diversify this list with some “wild cards” so to speak, so consider this one actress one you wouldn’t think of off the top of your head.

Salli Richardson.

If you remember A Low Down Dirty Shame, you know what I’m talking about and we could just end the discussion there. But, Richardson is just plain fine and she just turned 40, so she’s still ripe (sorry ladies).

Salli Richardson: 5 magnums

A get it list wouldn’t be complete without a little creole-looking, redboneness. So that’s were Rick Fox’s leftovers Vanessa Williams comes in. I really don’t have much to say, but I think if those seductive eyes were look at me, I’d fold up like a lawn chair.

Vanessa Williams: 3 magnums

2008

2008-01-08T11:40:00.000-05:00

Greetings and Happy Belated New Year!

It's been a while since I've posted, as a matter of fact, I haven't blogged since last year! (smile).

With that said, as I prepare to begin the second year of the Beach Chair and another year in my life, it's only fitting to pay homage to 2007 before I can look ahead to my expectations for 2008.

For starters, 2007 was undoubtedly one of the most memorable years of my life. I can't tell you how much I grew as a person. You see, 2007 was the 25th year for me. I heard her and many others share with me that your outlook on things change drastically when you turn 25. I listened, but I didn't hear. I can literally go through each month and tell you many memorable stories that made 2007 special. There isn't enough space on this blog to do this. But let me just share some of why 2007 was special to me.

Maturity -- 2006 was a rough year for me. It was a transitional year for me as well. I started a new job, I ended a previous relationship and I was just all over the place mentally and emotionally. I really didn't know what direction I was heading in life. But, in 2007, I became more stable. In my job, in my love life, monetarily and such. In doing so, I grew up. Moving to the Northeast forces you to do so and do so quickly. Me in 2006 was the complete opposite as me in 2007...and it was for the better.

Perseverance -- Despite all the good things in '07, it wasn't peaches n cream the whole year. There were bumps in the road. Sickness hit my family as my mom had two major surgeries over the course of two months. It was the first time I'd ever seen my mom sick and to go through that, along with the trips from Connecticut to Virginia could have taken a toll on me -- if I'd let it. But I persevered. My grandmother suffered a mild heart attack and my dad's not doing the best. But I persevered. And being able to do that without losing it showed growth and made 2007 great.

These are just two things that stood out to me. There are soo many more to mention, but all in all 2007 was great and one I'll remember forever.

Now, as I prepare for 2008, I prepare to face with with excitement and anticipation of what's to come, knowing that for every good thing that happens, there are going to be some bad times.

Whatever happens, I know it's going to be a great year!

She-Her VI

2007-12-18T10:39:00.000-05:00

Never has a woman walked so gracefully across the earth’s surface. Never has a woman’s smile illuminated even the darkest corner as hers does. Never has a woman’s eyes been as beautiful to look into as an early morning sunrise on the beach.

For young men, if we’re lucky, once in a lifetime, a woman like that will cross our path. And, if we’re even luckier, she’ll give us the time of day.

Fortunately for me, my time came. And with persistence, lots of persistence, I dint’ let this one get away.

There have been times recently when just the two of us have gone out, or we have accompanied each other to a social event, and I have finished getting dressed far quicker than she. I mean, I’m a guy – we don’t take long.

But in between that time when I’m sitting and waiting for her to purse perfection through lip gloss, mascara and countless other MAC products, I get a glimpse, if only for a short while, of what true physical beauty looks like.

Yes, when the finished product comes tipping out of the bathroom, it is flawless. Always classy. Never too much. Never over done.

It is at this point when I become an accessory. Because as sharp as I may think I am, her style and beauty laps whatever I have going on.

Perhaps it was the youthfulness of my mind. Perhaps it was me being naïve. Or, perhaps it was just a lack of experience. But, I thought I had seen fineness. I thought some of the young ladies I had “encountered” over the years were “all that”

Not even close. We things are revealed, and I mean truly revealed, it’s like a light bulb comes on and you’re like damn, where has this been all my life.

It’s sort of like when you grow up sheltered or in a small community and you branch out and go to the big city for the first time and your eyes are opened. For a man, when you get that taste of what good lovin’ is and what a beautiful woman looks like, you never want to look back.

So I don’t and won’t. I’ve been fortunate and for whatever reason, the man upstairs allowed her to cross my path. And every time she struts ‘cross my path, I look in admiration from head to toe -- with a brief pause in the middle -- and smile.

RIP Sean Taylor

2007-12-04T16:49:00.000-05:00

I thought long and hard about this post. It seemed, ever since last week, that everyone had an opinion. I didn't want to be just another voice spewing a bunch of nonsense based on emotion. Also, I guess I really didn't know to say.

When I first heard the news that Sean Taylor had been shot in Miami, my first reaction was "Wow". As a Redskins fan, I had just seen my team lose their third in a row and with Taylor already out due to a knee injury, I thought -- can it get an worse.

Initially, when I heard he'd been shot in the leg or groin, I assumed he'd be alright. At worse, I envisioned a long term rehab and he'd be 100-percent by next season. A co-worker of mine, who happens to be a Giants fan, came over to give me some grief about Taylor. We often joke to each other about the Skins and the Giants and this was no different -- at the time. Like most naive Redskins' fans, I tend to see the world through Burgundy and gold lenses and again, assumed, he'd be back in time for the playoffs. Mind you the 'Skins had just lost 3 in a row.

But Tuesday morning, I received a text from my cousin while I was still asleep. It simply said "Another young black man gone too soon. RIP ST21" With sleep still in my eyes, I knew what he was talking about. Sean Taylor was gone -- 24-years-old.

A whirlwind of emotions went through, and continued to go through my head. The hell with football, although being a fan made it hurt more. But here was an athletic, fit and young man gone. And for what? At the time nobody knew. Sure, Taylor had his previous run-ins with the law, but did this have anything to do with the robbery and murder. I didn't know, but many rushed to that conclusion. A man, no matter how much he grows and changes, will always have to deal with his past. It's a sad, but true fact. People will always dig up dirt and try to link the then and now when something goes wrong.

When the details emerged, it hurt even more. Although I was happy they caught the killer, the senseless manner in which it happened, not only resulted in the death of Taylor, but in all, five lives were ruined.

And for what?

From a football point of view, Taylor was one of the best defensive players in the league. One of the hardest hitters, Taylor struck fear in opponents and dared a receiver to run a route over the middle. But in one unfortunate instance, my team's season was shattered, left with an emptiness that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Fortunately for me, I was able to see him play this season. Who knew that would be my first and last time.

We know not what God has in store for us. At the point where Taylor was turning his life around, he was gone. A beautiful girlfriend and 18-month-old daughter left behind. One of the most talented football players and by all accounts a genuine good guy was taking away from us all too soon.

And for what?

Whose House?

2007-11-14T16:15:00.000-05:00

Those who know me pretty well know my television watching is limited. Aside from sports, I don't really follow many shows regularly like some people. Sure, I'll watch a couple of episodes of Law and Order in the evenings, but aside from that, it's pretty much channel flipping for me.

I'm not one to program my life in order to catch an episode of Grey's Anatomy, The Wire or the Simpsons for that matter. Having grown up on the 80s and 90s, I was around for a great time in television. I had TGIF on Friday nights with Family Matters, Boy Meets World, Step by Step and Hangin with Mr. Cooper. For my serious shows, I had Murder She Wrote and of course, everybody's favorite,the Cosby Show.

But in the past few years, to me, television has become a bit lackluster. Nothing has captured me to the point where I have to clear my schedule around any show. Even on Saturdays, gone are the days of The Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show, Inside Stuff and Winnie the Pooh.

But alas, I know have reason to believe. I am a HUGE fan of Run's House, just ask the SO. It's a breath of fresh air to see a sitcom, albeit a reality show, show a black family in a positive light. And, the bottom line is, it's just funny. Rev. Run, formerly of Run DMC is the ideal father and I hope to have as much fun with my wife and kids when I get older. The show not only gives a glimpse into the lives of the Simmons, it shows that black folk live, love and laugh just like everyone else. It's the closest thing we have to the Cosby Show in today's age.

Good morning. Don't be afraid of failing? You must look failure dead in the eyes and tell failure, YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME! You have to be able to look at failuire the way the Master JESUS looked and death and say "oh death where is thy sting!" Now get up, stay thankful and smile, and perform your miracle. Never pay attention to a so called FAILURE. Its a waste of mind energy. Think on good things..... Keep good thoughts and past victories in front of your eyes! Never ever ever look at lack! :)

GOD IS LOVE
REV RUN

Family First

2007-11-05T17:02:00.000-05:00

Too often, we lose sight of the things that are most important in our lives. Between work, going out and all the other responsibilities we have, life can have us in the fast lane 24-7. It can get so bad, that we barely have time to sleep. We get up in the morning with enough time to take a shower and get to work on time. We work, or sit at our desks, for about 8 hours, get off, mess around and get home in time to grab a bite to eat, maybe catch a little television and before you know it, it's time to take it down for the night.

If we're not careful, we can get consumed by our everyday lives that we forget the important things - our health, our friends and our family.

Andy Reid is the head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles and has had a pretty decent amount of success, leading his team to four NFC Championships and one Super Bowl appearance.

But despite his on-the-field success, it's been well documented that his sons have had their share of problems and it came to a head recently.

What followed was the debate about whether or not Reid should resign his coaching position with the Eagles. Many wondered how such an affluent family in a high profile position could go through such a thing. Some blamed Reid for not devoting enough time to his family and putting all his focus on football. Now, I wasn't there. I only know what I read and see on television. Maybe Reid was there for his son and they, being of age, chose to go the opposite route. We weren't there, so we don't know.

What we do know is no matter where we go in life and what we accomplish, we are nothing without our family. Family is the one thing that can't be taken away from us. We can lose our jobs, money, cars and clothes, but the constant is family. As we approach the Thanksgiving and holiday season, we must realize how much family means and not take those we know will be there through thick and thin for granted.

Speed Bumps

2007-10-28T21:05:00.000-05:00

I know, I know. I haven't blogged in a good minute. When I write, I need the space to say whatever I like. Now, I definitely don't shell out posts like Jameil. So, unless I have time to really focus and execute my thoughts through words, I'm not going to type just anything down. Because that would be a disservice to you, my loyal readers.

It's funny, because the last few times I've really had good topics to blog about, they've all had a common theme - adversity. As I've sat down to write, I'm struggled with getting the words out, because I wondered why I was always writing about the same thing. On paper, or on the site in this case, it would seems as though I was going in circles, not making any progress. So, I would delete my posts and wait.

Why?

Is it because I would get too frustrated with the reality of the situation as I was writing about it? Probably. Or was it because I didn't want to continue to beat the dead horse with a bunch of negativity. Maybe I could wait until something good happens.

Simply put: I was not facing reality.

It's easy to question God's play-calling for us when things aren't working. Sort of like when you're team's not winning, everyone points at the coach. But, it is in these times, when our true character shows up. We have to believe and have faith that there is something better for us around the corner, and not give up in the meantime.

One of the things I enjoy about this blog is that it's therapeutic. It gives me a forum to express my thoughts via word and hope that in the process it can help someone and someone can inspire me.

But what I can't do, whether through words or my own actions, is not be real with myself. I have to accept the speed bumps just as I accept when things are going good.

Hump Day

2007-10-10T10:54:00.000-05:00

Relax

The last couple of weeks, I admittedly have been stressed. Stressed about the job and upcoming assignments. Stressed about my finances and how I was going to make ends meets. And jsut stressed about everyday life. I wasn't at a point of giving up or getting depressed, I was just worried -- something I always do and am trying to correct it as I go along in life. Ironically, each week I was going "through" I would go to church and it seemed as though the pastor was just talking to me. Has that every happened to you? I was as if it was just me and him in the church. He was stepping all over my toes. But I got the message. Just relax.

Here's a short story that was sent to me...

Years ago, a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast.
He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were
reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They dreaded the
awful storms that raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops.
As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received
A steady stream of refusals.

Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached
the farmer. "Are you a good farm hand?" the farmer asked him.
"Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man.

Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help,
Hired him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from
dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work.
Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore.
Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed
next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the
little man and yelled, "Get up! A storm is coming!
Tie things down before they blow away!"
The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, "No
sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows."

Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on
the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm.
To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had
been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens
were in the coops, and the doors were barred.
The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down.

Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his
hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while
the wind blew.

The moral of the story...

When you're prepared, spiritually, mentally, and physically,
you have nothing to fear. Can you sleep when the
wind blows through your life?
The hired hand in the story was able to sleep because he
had secured the farm against the storm.
We secure ourselves against the storms of life by
grounding ourselves in the Word of God.
We don't need to understand, we just need to hold
His hand to have peace in the middle of storms.

When you get to a point when you can sleep while the wind blows, you'll be alright

Relate

Developing and maintaining relationships are a very important part of our lives. Many times we get into the "I can do this by myself mode" and forget to live, laugh and share our experiences with others. Family will always be there, but the reality is, we sometimes move away from home and find ourselves starting over. We have to learn to build relationships. Many, like me, are fortunate enough to find that significant other who you can relate to on a more personal and intimate level. But also, I have a strong circle of friends I know I can count on when needed.

Release

Let stuff go.

Sometimes we just hold on to stuff that doesn't even matter anymore. It keeps us frustated, it's not healthy and the thing about it is, it's usually small stuff, which makes it worse. So breathe, go out and have a drink. Smile, hug someone. And if you're bunned up, put on the Jodeci, break out the silk sheets and ...

Jill Scott perhaps said it better than me...

Your hands on my hips
Pull me right back to you
I catch that thrust
Give it right back to you
You're in so deep
I'm breathin' for you
You grab my braids
Arch my back high for you
Your diesel engine
I'm squirting mad oil on
Down on the floor
Til my speakers start to boil
I flip shit
Quick slip
Hip dip
And I'm twisted
In your hands and your lips
And your tongue tricks
And you're so thick
And you're so big
And you're so Crown Royal on ice
Crown Royal on ice
Crown Royal on ice
Crown Royal on ice

Sensitivity

2007-09-27T12:26:00.000-05:00

Sometimes we black folk love to get our Ralph Tresvant on. Sometimes we are just too sensitive. We tend to cry foul about every little thing we think is or take offensive. When this happens, it damages our credibilty when legitimate concerns occur. Also people outside of our community tend to get tired of the complaining. It's sort of like crying wolf. Most often, this happens when "we" feel like something has happened that we feel is racist or offensive. Do this happen? Yes, it does. However, everything we think is offensive doesn't mean we have to round up the troops, call Al and Uncle Jesse and make a scene. Sometimes, we need to fully understand what we are causing an uproar about, get ALL the fact and then decide whether it is even worth FoxNews pointing and laughing at us.

This week, there was a story involving the ever controverial commentator, Bill O'Reilly. We all know about O'Reilly and his antics and off the wall statments and views. He and Brother Al were in Harlem having dinner at Sylvia's in a pay-me-back for Sharpton appearing on the O'Reilly factor. Later, O'Reilly was on frequent FoxNews contributor Juan Williams' radio show and went on to describe the lack of craziness at Sylvia's. He also "noticed" that eating at a restaurant in uptown New York was no different than having dinner in an all-white suburbs.

RELEASE THE HOUNDS!!

Naturally, onslaught began. O'Reilly is an old racist who has once again shown his ignorance to the world.

Maybe so, but to me, if you listen and read the entire interview, it can and should be interepreted totally different. O'Reilly is essentially admitting his own ignorance to the world and letting other who stereotype that things aren't always the way they appear on the outside. Were his statements out of line? Perhaps. However, on many occassions O'Reilly has stated he did not grow up in a diverse environment and some of his on prejudices are a product of his envrionment. Should we excuse it? Absolutely not. But we listen and try and understand where his coming from.

Too often, we cry racism and are quick to criticize, rather than listen and try to educate those "on the outside." Part of how people view and stereotype us are based on how we respond and react in adversity.

Just one man's opinion.

Jena 6

2007-09-20T14:22:00.000-05:00

Today, I wore a black button-up, black jeans and black shoes in support of the Jena 6. While I've followed this story since I first heard about about and am proud to be a part of the national day of protest, today I have a weird feeling in my stomach.

For most of the day, I've sat at my desk and watched the coverage on CNN. I was blown away by what I saw. I listened for the past few days as people talked about flocking to Jena, but I really didn't think it would be as crowded as it appeared. Thousands of people - black and white - migrated to the small Louisiana town. It looked like something out of a history book, it looked like an image from the civil rights movement.

Which brings to my point - somewhat. If there was any period of time I could go back to the future and be a part of, it would be the 1960s. I just want to see. Many of those older than you and I have shared stories of how it was and what they had to go through. To us, as much as we listened, they were still just stories, we couldn't relate. We believed, but didn't understand. Because of this, many of our older family and friends sometimes question how much we appreciate our race and what we've been through.

But today, as I watched t.v. and had on my black, I felt proud to be a part of the movement. Proud to be black. Event like this, reminds us younger folks of what it felt like for everyone to come together for the cause. And while we know not what will come of this march, one thing's for sure. We showed up and showed out.

Joy in the midst of a storm

2007-09-16T19:52:00.000-05:00

"Ye though I walk through the valley of death..."

When things are going good, it's easy to be happy. It's easy to walk around with your head held high, feeling like you're on top of the world. You tend to have a little pep in your step, you have a little swagger about you. If you are one of those church going folk, it's easy to walk around quoting scripture and giving all honor and praises to God, who is the head of your life.

It's easy as 1, 2, 3.

When things are going good.

But in this life we live, things aren't always going to go smooth. And it's then when our character and how we really are as a person, comes to light. These "storms" come in many different forms. Problems on your job, in your relationship, financially or family issues can all be speed bumps in an otherwise smooth ride through life. Often times, God throws these curve balls at us to see if we're paying attention. To see if our audio is matching up to our video. To see if we're walking the walk and not just talking the talk.

Not to get all religious on ya'll but James 1:2 says "Brethren, count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations." For many people, including me, this verse is a hard pill to swallow. Are we really supposed to count it joy when we go through some hell? Should we be smiling on the outside when we are hurting on the inside? What's there to be happy about?

I've been through and am going through some rough times. Things aren't the way I would like them to be, but they aren't as bad as they are. For a couple of days, I was in a funk, borderline depressed. I asked the man upstairs what was going on. Had I been that bad? Or was this just my test. I didn't get it. There was no way I could be happy with what was going on and how the last week or so was playing out. Or could I? It took a while, but eventually I did. I found joy in knowing that I wasn't in this thing alone. I looked around and found that people were struggling just like me. I found joy in know that those same people were willing to share an encouraging word for me, even though they were in a funk too. I found joy in knowing that help was only a phone call away, even if I let my pride get in the way at first.

When trouble comes, there's no need to run and curl up in a corner, Yes, it may seem that way at first, but we must realize that we are only going through this.

Pain may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

You yet holding on?

2007-08-31T10:22:00.000-05:00

"Even in our imperfections, God is still perfect." - Kirk Franklin

Sometimes in life, we just need a little encouragement. We live, we learn and we make mistakes. We laugh, we cry and we get upset. That's the way it goes. And, if we're not careful, we can find ourselves caught up in the circle of life that leaves us complacent. We can find ourselves accepting "the way it is" rather than pushing ourselves to make things better. Life is funny that way. Many of us put a lot of time and effort into work, friendships, and family, that we forget about self. We forget that despite what else is going on in our lives, we are our most prized possession. Because the reality is, if the Lord sees fight to take us home, sure those people we devote time to mourn, but they will eventually get up and keep going.

I say this not to discourage one from investing in people, because I for one feel rich because of the time I invest in others. But plain and simple, we need to take care and look out for ourselves. Frustrations can arise at the drop of the dime and leave us angry, confused and borderline depressed. But we must hold on. We must to hold on because giving up is too easy. Perseverance through the tough times builds character and self confidence. So we must hold on.

We must understand that God is not going to put more on us that wear can bear, so no matter how bad things are and how you wish you could just go somewhere and scream to the top of your lungs remember, no matter how bad things are for you, there's someone, somewhere who has it worst. The key is not to give up, hang in there and hold on.

The World in Black and White

2007-08-26T14:28:00.000-05:00

The past few weeks, I've sadly been watching the downfall of my Virginia brother, Mike Vick.

For me, it's disappointing on so many levels. I've followed Mike's career since high school, through Virginia Tech and, until recently, the Atlanta Falcons.

I always try to support the homeboys, or girls, from my beloved state, whether in sports, politics, entertainment or whatever. If they're from VA, I generally have their back. It's that way with everyone from Allen Iverson to Tiki Barber to David Wright to Pharrell to Missy Elliott and so on and so forth. Even though I may not know them personally, that fact that they and I call the same place home is enough for me. It's that way through the good and through the bad.

But there comes a point where you have to pull back. And with Mike, I have to do so. It's been hard for me to watch and listen to the allegations of the whole dogfighting mess that's been going on. It's disappointing because, whether he's guilty or not, to me, he should've known better -- or been smarter.

I was fortunate enough to not grow up in the 'hood. Unlike many I knew, I didn't have to struggle as much as others did. But the reality is, some did -- including Mike. Fortunately enough for him, he was blessed with the athletic ability, which he used to make it out, and in return was rewarded with a $100-plus million contract from the Falcons and endorsements from Nike and others.

But, in wake of the Vick dogfighting scandal, all of that is potentially heading down the drain -- for now at least.

As I stated in a previous blog, dogfighting is nothing new to me. Have I participated in it? No, but I'm aware it goes on. What has been interesting, to me at least, has been the racial divide amongst the opinions of the case. For the most part, black folks are of the opinion that this has either been blown way out of proportion and Vick is essentially being targeted by "the man" or Vick is just another young black man who has made another dumb decision and given everyone something to talk about. The white community tends not to see race in issues as much as the black community does. And in many cases, you can understand why. The black community sometimes can't accept the fact that we need to look in the mirror sometimes and stop blaming racism and other people for our indistrections.

Also, white folk tend to have a love for animals that doesn't exist as much in the black community. We sometimes have the "it's just a dog" mentality.

In a city like Atlanta, this has been the way of life for years. As much as it has progressed, there are still racial overtones there and everywhere. We can only wonder if this were to happen to someone like Peyton Manning -- what would the reaction be.

A Bay Bay

2007-08-16T12:31:00.001-05:00

Picture above is the "rapper" known as Hurricane Chris. Probably best, and only, known for his club hit A Bay Bay, Hurricane Chris is, in my opinion, the unofficial poster boy for everything that's wrong with hip hop. Granted, when I hear A Bay Bay on the radio and in the club, I can get down with it, but that's pretty much it and that's were the problem lies. Today's hip hop lacks substance, nobody's talking about anything. Most artists today are going after one of three things. 1) A new dance 2) a club banger or 3) a new saying. For artists like the above mentioned, this can be a good and bad thing. It can give you instant noteriety and make you popular with the kids. But, on the flip side, it will probably be your only hit of your career and after the fad passes, you'll quickly fade into oblivian.

Which is why it's very easy to distinguish real hip hop from the jibberish that dominates the airwaves on the radio and in the club. Hip hop is a way of life, it's in how you walk, talk and live day-to-day. When done right, the lifestyle, whether good or bad, can beautifully be presented through rap or song. But as easily as it can make us feel good by listening to Tupac's storytelling, if we're not careful, we may get brainwashed into to thinking Party Like Rockstar is on the same level. If we're not careful, we may start to think Young (insert name here) is on the level as Jay-Z, the Roots and Mos Def.

There's an old life lesson that says what is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular. So with hip-hop, let's remember, everything that gets us hype and makes us tap our feet is not always authenic, but it's the quality music that makes us just sit, listen and think.

Bullsh*t

2007-08-14T14:56:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, or may not have known, I lived in Tennessee for two years after graduating from college. More specifically, I was a resident of Knoxville -- Go Vols! It was, to say the least, a major culture shock for me at that time. The lack of diversity, the down south hillbilly atmosphere, the UT culture. It certainly was an experience that helped me grow as a person and that I will remember for the rest of my life.

While I was down there, an interesting story popped up that really got the good folks in Tennessee to talking.

Back in March of 2006, in Selmer, Tenn., about 80 miles east of Tennessee, Mary Winkler shot and killed her husband Matthew in their home. Matthew was a minister at a local church and by all accounts, the two were an ideal couple who were well-liked in the community. Mary shot Matthew once in the back and immediately took the couple's three kids and left town. She was found three days later in Alabama.

This case started off fickle as, for whatever reason, people refused to believe Sis. Winkler was capable of committed such a crime (although she admitted to it) and that something this bad could happen to the perfect family. Many, including myself, called bullshit simply because it didn't appear from the get go that Mrs. Winkler was getting the same treatment for committing that that a men and, dare I say, I black person would. Some blamed the small-town atmosphere for that and many felt she was the one being presented as the victim because of alleged very and physical abuse by here husband.

Originally charged with murder, which could and should have left her looking at at least 50 years of prison, Winkler was charged with involuntary manslaughter -- a much lesser charge. While awaiting trial, Winkler was able to work at a local cleaners and walk around as if nothing had happened. When it was all said and done, Winkler served only seven months in custody and was released this week.

Seven months...for killing someone, and seemingly no uproar. Now, when men kill their wives or female partners i.e. Scott Peterson, all hell breaks loose. Or, to get all racial on ya'll, then this happens in the black community, there's no way in hell it would blow over like this has.

We already know our judicial system is suspect, but when something like this occurs, we are in a world of trouble.

Where's Leezzy?

2007-08-08T16:18:00.000-05:00

In between watching ESPN and NFL Network all day at my desk, I often will switch over to CNN to catch up on current events. As I was watching our beloved President Bush talk about God knows what, it hit me. Where the hell is Condoleezza Rice? Maybe it's just me, but I feel like I haven't seen her since the last election. In the midst of the war, the presidential debates, the Minnesota bridge tragedy, one would think our secretary of state would at least show her face. There hasn't, to my knowledge, been even a mention of her name.

If anyone can enlighten me on this, feel free.

Senseless

2007-08-07T15:46:00.000-05:00

It's no secret there's crime in our country. Day in and day out, crimes are committed and people are always caught up in wrong doings. It's certainly not right, but, unfortunately, it's the world we live in. However even with the acceptance that, despite the fact its not right, crime is committed, there's always an instance where in eyebrows are raised and attention is brought to the fact that crime in this country is indeed a huge problem and something needs to be done.

I was driving on the Jersey turnpike on Sunday, heading back from VA, and on Hot 97, they were discussing the fatal robbery and murder of three people in Newark over the weekend. Three Delaware State University students were killed another was injured as they young people were simply enjoying a summer evening, not causing any problems at all.

Why? For no apparent reason at all.

Senseless.

This story hit home for me on several different levels. One of my best friends from college was born and raised in "Da Bricks" and still lives there to this day. Since this young men were seemingly picked at random, I thought of how easily it could have been my boy. I have been to Newark a couple of times and while it's certainly not the 'burbs, it's as very nice city that has improved tremendously over the past few years. Also, having attended college at Hampton University, we saw a lot of Delaware State over the four years I was school. So, anytime someone from another school you're familiar with, and for me particularly another HBCU, experiences a tragedy, it hurts.

I can't imagine what was going on through those young people's minds as they were marched to their deaths. It's something I pray I never have to experience. It terrifies me to think about what it would be like for my family to receive that late-night phone call. But, the reality is, it could happen to any of us at any given time. Because of this, we must live each day to the fullest because you never know which day will be your last.

Doggystyle

2007-07-24T09:30:00.000-05:00

Last week, I had the opportunity to spend some time in the beautiful city of Charlotte, N.C. I was in town all week for a wedding. Aside from driving through on 85 and changing flights at the airport, this was my first time spending a significant amount of time in the Queen City. Everything I had heard about the area was true. It is a thriving city with lots of potential. Sort of like a mini Atlanta. I could definitely live there.

I arrived on Tuesday afternoon and as I sat in my hotel later on that evening I saw a breaking news flag on SportsCenter: Michael Vick indicted on federal charges.

Uh-oh

If you've been living under a rock for the past couple of months, let me bring you back to 2007. Mediocre Atlanta Falcons quarterback and fellow VA native Michael Vick has been linked to a huge dogfighting ring in Newport News. His Surry County home, which he apparently owns, but doesn't occupy, has been ground zero for this operation and has been raided several times. There, the feds have found numerous dogfighting pits and paraphernalia.

Now, one would ask, for an athlete who, when it's all said and done, will probably make over $100 million in his career, why the hell would you be fighting dogs.

The easy answer is ignorance, but it does farther than that. Dogs, particularly pitbulls and rottweilers, are seen as tough and those who possess them often feel a sense of confidence and arrogance. Obviously, this is not the case for every person who owns the dogs, but for some young black men, these having dogs is sort of a status symbol. You want to have the strongest dog on the block and you will do anything to prove this - including dogfighting.

However, it has baffled me that so many people in mainstream media were not aware this sort of thing goes on. Granted, it's not as prevalent is other areas of the country as it is the south, but dogfighting has been going on for years. It's nothing new. My dad is a veternarian so I've seen and heard about such things first hand.

In our country, everyone is untitled to due process, but we all now that's not always the case. And while Vick will certainly get his day in court, he's in deep shit. So deep, that, his career may be in jeopardy, except for Madden.

I've seen the indictment and I must say, that, if half of the stuff in those documents are true, Mr. Vick is in a world of trouble. Fans of the Falcons and Vick can only hope that somehow, this doesn't end up as bad as it potentially can eg. potential time.

Many have pointed out that it's been Vick's family and friends that have brought him down. While I usually disagree with such claims, I tend to favor this one. Vick grew up in the hood and often times when you go from hoodrich to regular rich overnight, it's hard to separate the two and you find yourself trying to maintain your hoodpass while your career has led you to the suburbs.In doing so, you try to hold on to those who have been there since day 1. There's no problem with this, you just have to be careful and understand that everyone in your circle may not be good for you and have your best interest at heart.

I just hope Mike hasn't learned this lesson too late.

A closer look at Same Girl

2007-07-23T09:04:00.001-05:00

It amazes my that, after about 15 years, R. Kelly is still having women problems, or at least still moaning and whining about them. A couple of years ago, he was Trapped in the Closet. A few years before that, he was supposedly Contagious. And, of course, we all remember the beat down he caught by trying to be on the Down Low.

Now, the self-proclaimed King of R&B is in a bind once again. Only this time, it appears karma has come around to bite "Kells" in the ass. Same Girl is basically a story about two friends who, unknowingly have been messing around with the same chick.

- Who knew Usher and R. Kelly were even boys? Granted, this is fiction, but I've never known the two to even take a picture together, but maybe it's just me.

- In the event that this was a real scenario, what is the likelihood Kells and Ursher would even be attracted to the same girl. After all, we know Usher has a tendency to drop the fine ones in favor of those who are a little rough around the edges. And R. Kelly, well, he likes them a little young.

-The description of the "jump off" made me wonder whether they were talking about an actual alum of Georgia Tech who actually works for TBS. I know a couple of people at CNN and there are a "suspects" but no one has come up with a definite conclusion yet. I'll keep you posted.

-Now, again, maybe it's just me, but if had a "potential wife" as R. so harmonically describes this young lady, wouldn't my boys know something about her. They would at least seen a picture of her, or knew where she was from. And even still, if I found out my boy and I were messing with the same girl, it would take me a while to get back to ballin' with him and the such.

-So, in the end, the girls were twins. Interesting concept for a music video, but for the actual story flow of the song, it throws everything completely off. Who was really messing with who? Were the sisters in on this? Did they know? How did twin A know to be at the same restaurant with twin B when to guys were trying to set her up?

Clearly, I have too much time on my hands.

[Update: Ok, a dear friend and loyal reader of The Beach Chair has pointed out that there, in classic R. Kelly fashion, is a remix. It appears that, the girl who R. Kelly and Usher were both messing with was actually TPain's wifey. Whoudathunkit? We knew TPain was in love with a stripper, but come on. Now, I'm not in a position to coment on this, but ladies, if you were stuck with TPain, wouldn't you try and dip out too? Especially if he talked with that vocoder.]

The Pull

2007-07-13T10:28:00.000-05:00

Note: I'm introducing a new feature to The Beach Chair. Periodically, I'll welcome in a guest blogger to post his or her thoughts. It's a way to keep things fresh, offer different opinions and promote other bloggers and their works. Today, I welcome Jameil, author-extraordinaire of Mind Space. If you would like to guest blog on the Beach Chair, just let me know. Enjoy Jameil's work.

Like many Black people, I was raised in the church. Really raised. My late grandfather was a pastor. His son, my uncle Jacob, is a pastor turned Presiding Elder. My mom is a former Sunday School teacher and Sunday School superintendent. We went to Sunday School and church on Sundays. On 5th Sunday we also went to 5th Sunday services for the district. We (my sister and I) were on the usher board and the children's choir. We were youth missionaries. On Tuesdays we went to Bible Study. I was one of the lucky ones. Our church had special classes for youth bible study and Sunday School. We had people who wanted to make our walk with God, present and future, as clear as possible. We learned all the books of the Bible, songs to sing and on and on.

It wasn't until right now that I realized how much we were really, really in the church. It wasn't boring most of the time because so much was geared toward our age group, and we had friends whose parents made them participate in all of the same activities. My mother was laying a foundation. The groundwork for our lives. When I went to college, I was for the first time able to decide not to go to church. Because please believe that feining a painful stomach or not feeling good was always met with a "Come on, get up and go to church, you'll feel better once you hear the word of God." I can laugh about it now because that's the standard momma response, isn't it?

When I got to college, I no longer had to pretend. I would just look at the clock and roll over. At first I was riddled with guilt. I tried to go at least once a month because I knew I would get that call from my mom asking if I'd went and I needed to be able to say yes to avoid a lecture. And there was the pull. You know it. If I didn't go, it didn't feel like Sunday. And like there was something missing. Like where was the beginning of the week? Part of the reason it was easier for me not to go, other than just the freedom of being able to make my own decisions, is because I hadn't been listening in church for so long. We'd decided our pastor wasn't talking to us and had tuned out. I now look for very stringent things when it comes to selecting a church. The pastor has to be concise and on topic. And brevity isn't at the top of the list if you stay on topic. I've heard pastors (Rev. Charles I. Jackson) who stayed on topic for an hour, and I was so riveted I didn't want to leave at the end. I could've listened to him talk for another hour. I will track that pastor down the next time I go to Atlanta. I always do.

Once I stopped going regularly, it just became commonplace. I still felt a bit strange, but I began to make all manner of excuses. I'm too tired after I get off of work. I just don't feel like it. I want to go to breakfast. And still there was something missing. I would go to the gym after getting off at 10am on Sunday morning and feel especially heathen-like considering I said I was too tired for church, but I had the energy to workout?? It took something that sounds as trivial as a break-up, but which was the loss of a person I really cared about as a friend as well who I'd known for years, to really obey the pull. I began to focus on myself and my relationship with God. I knew I had to go back to church. Of course just going isn't going to do it, but you have to start somewhere. It's still very early in my renewal, but I can no longer ignore that pull. It's the first step to getting some peace. Not just about a breakup, but in every aspect of my life.

She-Her V

2007-07-11T14:42:00.000-05:00

She was out of town last week. I missed her.

It was an interesting six days because, when she's here, I'm so used to being near her. Being able to see and touch her. Being able to be next to her. She is, for the most part, always around. When that happens, sometimes you can take things for granted. And while I'm not saying that's the case with her, how much a part of my life she is was magnified when she wasn't around.

Luckily for her, she was able to spend some time in beautiful San Diego. Unfortunately for me, I was stuck in lowly, non-picturesque Hartford.

And while the time difference and 2,930 miles separated us, when she had some free time, she always called. What her going away did was force me to use my imagination. To visualize her and think about what she was doing. To picture her out in Cali enjoying herself and working hard. To think and wonder whether she was thinking of me as much as I was of her. Because I was so bummed out when I left work and couldn't see her, it reminded me how important she is to my day and my life in general. I was reminded how something as simple has having her respond to an email meant.

So I had to be patient. I knew she would eventually come back. Although, for a millisecond, her dying love for San Diego made me nervous. But she came back on Monday and she was even more beautiful as she was when she left. Sometimes, it's good to not be around your significant other for a while and this was one of those times. I was forced to miss her. I had no other option but to think about her because I couldn't physically see her. And as my eyes zeroed in on her as she walked down the terminal my eyes lit up.

She was missed.

I'm out for presidents to represent me...

2007-07-05T13:22:00.000-05:00

I'm a sucka for good talk radio. Notice the emphasis on good. Talk radio can make a long road trip go by faster, can tune your significant other out if he or she ain't talking 'bout nothing and can generate good discussion among your traveling group. It is one of the reasons I invested in, and highly recommend Sirius Satellite Radio to anyone who is on the road a lot.

This past Sunday, she and I were traveling back from Virginia Beach and we were listening to the Jamie Foxx Show on his new station, the Foxxhole. While the exact subject of converstaion escapes my memory, one of the topics/issues that was discussed was Barack Obama. Jamie and his panel were asking for Obama to do more. They thought he was playing it safe and trying his best to avoid saying anything controversial and not be a "stereotypical" black men. In essence, they were saying, that while he was running a solid campaign, he wasn't being black enough.

Once again, I stradled the fence on this issue and understood both sides. I can understand the concern of some black folks for Brother Obama to set it off on some issues. However, does he need to to be controversial to be in good with "us" It would, to some folk, perpetuate the stereotype of the angry black man if Obama would use the Al and Jesse method in his campaign. To some, because he's soft spoken, he's catering to the white vote and conservative black voters. Could it be that's just the way he is. If and when we ever get a black president, I don't need an outspoken shit-starter to accurately represent me. I think sometimes in our waiting for some one in our community to step up and be a leader, we start stereotyping ourselves and mentally build what we think our leaders should be and sound like.

Page 2's LZ Granderson recently wrote an article calling out Michael Jordan. Granderson basically took the position that Michael Jordan has missed numerous opportunities to use his celebrity status for significant social change. It's something I have too wondered about. If Mike took a strong stance on an issue, even if it wasn't the popular one, many would follow simply because it's Mike we're talking about. But at what point do we stop waiting for celebrities to take a stance that we can follow and start thinking and doing things for ourselves. Sure, there's nothing wrong with having a leader. Neither Obama, nor Jordan are obligated to speak up and be the reps for black america simply because they are well known. Would it help? Perhaps, but we shouldn't hold them accountable.

Maybe we need to be a little more proactive rather than waiting and being reactive.

Guess who's back!

2007-06-25T16:25:00.000-05:00

Greetings!

For all of the 10-plus people who read this blog, I'm back! The number, however, with shameless self-promotion is growing by leaps and bounds everyday.

A lot has been going on the last couple of weeks, which I will try to recap the best I can.

First off, I turned 25!

As I've stated in previous blogs, this birthday was somewhat monumental in that it's the age where, as a young man, you should have your ish together, or at least have a concrete plan. I think I'm well on my way, but I know I still have some growing to do. While I only got a couple of presents, the best gift I received was the news first thing in the morning that my mom didn't have cancer. I knew then that, no matter what else happened, my day would be great!

Speaking of gifts, "she" surprised me like never before. Let me preface this by saying that you have to get up reaaaaal early to pull one on me, but I must give credit where credit is due. She came by the house and in her hand was a carrying case of some sort. I was too busy paying attention to her that I didn't really bother trying to figure out what it was.

Low and behold, a faint sound came from the case and as she reached in, out popped a kitten, no bigger than my foot. Now, a while back I mentioned I wouldn't mind having a cat. And for those questioning a grown man having a cat, I assure you, I've very secure with myself. And plus, I live in an apartment. The Rottweiler will come later.

Now, back to the cat. Libby is her name and she's the most fun-loving, adorable fur-ball this side of the Hudson River. It was totally unexpected which make me enjoy her that much more. I'm thankful for her and for "her".

I took a moment to really sit and think about 25. I told a friend, it would probably be about two months before my new age would really set it. It's kind of like when it's February and you're still writing the previous year on your checks.

At 25, I've spent time in 21 of the 50 states. I've been in the same room as the President of the United States and local drugs dealers. I've shook hands with celebrities, Hall of Famers, multi-millionaires and homeless people. I've seen people become converted and find the Lord and I've seen people duck for cover to avoid flying bullets. I've walked on some of the nicest beaches and resorts in America and have had to look over my shoulder as I walked some of the most dangerous streets. At 25, I'm a rare breed. I'm young, black, educated and not in jail. I'm thankful. I don't say things like this to boast. I just recognize and appreciate how fortunate I am.

Until next time...

Perspective

2007-06-13T20:24:00.000-05:00

I write this blog from St. Mary's Hospital in Richmond. As I'm writing, I see my superwoman, my best friend, my mom lying in the hospital bed sleeping peacefully, out cold from the medicine the nurses gave her a little while ago.

I don't get to VA often and a friend texted me earlier and asked, how was home. I responded by saying it's bittersweet. On one hand, yes, I am around familiar surroundings and in the midst of family. And on the other hand, I don't want to be here under these circumstances.

My mom had surgery today. I'll spare the details, but I will say this, things went smooth, but to the doctor's and our surprise, they found more than they expected when they went in. It was like a punch in the stomach. We pray and have faith that everything will be ok, yet for as much as our mouths say that, the fear of the unknown tears away at inner souls.

We simply have to wait.

My fingers can easily type these words better than my tongue can utter them. Because I feel helpless. When I think and see the pain the woman whose always kissed the boo-boo and made it better is in, I get bent out of shape. I want to ask God, okay, what the fuck is going on here.

But, in spite of my uncertainty, I know he's in control. As hard as it is to believe that in times like these.

Nonetheless, in times like these, life is put in perspective. We tend to appreciate the little things in life. We realize that no matter how good things are going, in an instance, our lives can take a turn and we're all of a sudden we're at the intersection of confusion and uncertainty. So, we wait and hope. And I'm doing just that.

My heart hurts as I sit here, watching her sleep. I realize how foolish I am for complaining stuff that ain't worth a damn. I realize more how important family is. I recognize how much I need my first lady in my life.

I just simply realize.

The countdown continues...

2007-06-05T08:31:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, my mother called me.

When you've been around people long enough, you come to know their tendencies, you come to have a feel for them. When it comes to family that knowledge is heightened. So as soon as I heard her on the other end of the line, I knew something was wrong.

The doctor had found something, she was going to have to have surgery.

Whenever we hear that something was "found" we automatically think cancer. But, fortunately enough there were no signs of cancer, but she still had to have the procedure.

Now, my mother is a strong woman, but she gets rattled easily. I don't think I've ever seen her in the hospital so for her, the thought of surgery makes her nervous, and rightfully so. Nobody wants to go under the knife. And while the surgery may be minor, we still are unsettled. Those thoughts I knew she was thinking came so clearly through the phone that I knew what I had to do.

This was a no brainer. I made plans to go home and be there with her.

As the countdown continues to my 25th birthday, I share this with you simply because, as we get older the more we appreciate our parents and the role they have in our lives. This is not to say that I haven't appreciated my mom to this point, because I have. But when we get to a certain age, we rebel and try to "find ourselves" and do so without the watchful eyes of the parentals.

Every young adults experiences this. We go on our own, often making mistakes along the way. But it's the only way we learn. When we look back at what we did wrong we realize our parents weren't so stupid after all. So when we realize how much they sacrificed for us, we in turn make sacrifices for them.

As I approach 25, I understand this. I'm blessed to have both of my parents, not everyone can say that. So when mommy called and indirectly said she needed me, saying no was not an option, no matter how much it would cost. She's been there since day 1 and 25 years later she's still there.

It's the least I could do.

A Special Night...

2007-06-01T09:41:00.000-05:00

I rarely blog about sports on here because that's what I talk and read about all day. I simply use this as a forum to express my thoughts on a variety of other issues, as you can see by my previous entries.

However, as with anything, there are expectations, and today is one of them.

I often say that for those of us born in the early 80s, we were fortunate enough to grow up amidst some of the greatest athletes and witness some of the greatest sporting moments in history. First and foremost, we had the Jordan-era. Anyone who grew up watching the Bulls in the 90s can look back in appreciation of what we were able to see. Whether you were a Jordan fan or not, you can tell your grand kids you were around when the greatest player of all-time was in his prime.

In addition to Jordan, we had Magic Johnson and Larry Bird in the NBA, the Braves dynasty in the MLB, Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield in boxing and Carl Lewis, FloJo and Michael Johnson in track and field.

But perhaps the most influential athletes of our generation was and still is Tiger Woods. Woods has transcended the sport of golf. He's made it cool for minorities to watch and play golf. He made golf culturally relevant outside of the country clubs and suburbs, not to mention his total domination of the game from the '97 Masters until now.

So, because we were spoiled growing up, sometimes it's hard to jump on the bandwagon of these new age "superstars" Ever since 1998, there has always been the next Jordan-syndrome. Whenever someone new, fresh and marketable came along, they have been unfairly given this label, and many have failed.

So we wait. Waiting for that moment when an athlete "comes out" and catches our attention. Giving us flashbacks to the "good ole days"

Last night, LeBron James made us believe. He made us believe that sports, particularly the NBA, can be as good, if not better than they were in the 90s.

Bron Bron elevated his game and single handedly beat the Pistons in one of the best performances I've seen in years.

48 points, included 29 of his team's final 30 points in the Cavaliers 109-107 double overtime win over the Pistons. The Cavs are now one win away from heading to the NBA finals.

Yes, I too am a witness.

It was one of those moments where if you went to bed early, you kicked yourself the next morning. If you saw, you still watched the highlights this morning, over and over. And if you were bold enough, you let your tongue utter the almost blasphemy-ridden words in basketball - "that was Jordanesque."

There's no guarantee it will happen again. There's also no guarantee the Cavs will win the series. But, for a few hours on Thursday evening, we allowed ourselves to be in awe, to think back and to enjoy sports at the highest level.

Lost One II

2007-05-30T13:42:00.000-05:00

Currently vibin' to "Teach Me"

I'm hard on myself.

I know this. I understand this. I continuously try to not be...as hard at least.

I srtive to be the best at everything, understanding that if I fall short it's not going to be because of a lack of effort. Michael Jordan once said, "I can accept failure, I can't accept not trying." I agree with this 100 percent and try to live by these words.

The problem that lies with trying so hard all the time is that by trying to do everything in order and make people happy, I miss out on some of the simple things - things that should be commmon sense.

I ask myself "What went wrong?"

With that in mind, one of the beautiful things about relationships is being able to start off as two individuals and grow collectively as one. Part of growing together is being able to learn one another. Learning their tendencies, what makes them happy, what makes them sad. Understanding when to act and when to just fall back. As with anything, you don't get in right the first time. It takes time and in many cases you have to mess up or fall off the bike a couple of times before you get it right. For some people, the learning curve is smaller. For others, it takes a bit longer to fully understand your significant other. Part of that steams from the fact that a lot of learning comes from experience. Until you are in a situation to learn how one reacts, you don't know.

It takes patience. But yet and still, as a young grasshopper, I still find myself lost from time to time. I want to understand. I want to be able to be the man. I want to make her happy. It's not that she's not, because she is. I guess sometimes I'm unsure. Once again, I'm probably too hard on myself.

As I stated in an earlier post, learning and understanding the female species will take forever, but in the meantime you want to have a good understanding. You want your significant other to be confident in you. YOu don't want to be walking on eggshells lost. The funny thing is, when I'm confident, I'm 100 percent that way. When I'm unsure, I'm the complete opposite. I hide behind my uncertainty. My confidence wavers. I need to work on that.

Sometimes I try so hard to make "her" happy that when something goes askew, I get down on myself, but I'm learning. I'm understanding better her emotions and her likes and dislikes. I'm realizing that just because it doesn't seem to me that she's content, it doesn't mean I have to come in a save the day all the time. It just means she's not outwardly showing that.

As time passes and different situations arise, I will have a better understanding, because I'm asking questions in an effort to become a better man. As time passes, I won't be concerned with being bothersome. I won't be concerned with being to over the top. I'll know how to handle myself and will have the confidence to do so. It will take time, but I'm will to work.

I figure, if I put for the effort, I figure out the way. And I don't figure it out, I hope she'll forgive me for being lost.

T.G.I.F.

2007-05-25T10:12:00.000-05:00

There are days when you just feel good and dammit, today is one of them. I just do. It probably stems from the wonderful evening I had with her yesterday and that feeling just carried over through the night and into this morning. And plus, it's a toasty 80-something degree day here in Connecticut and there are only a few clouds in the sky. And on top of that, it's Memorial Day weekend, the unofficial kickoff to the summer. I have no official plans like going to the beach or throwing a cookout, but the thought of just being able to relax without having to work on Monday, does my heart good.

So, on this Friday, I'm siced beyond belief. I'm in a good mood. The best way to describe this time of the year is in the above video of Will Smith's classic, Summertime. I just need a break from the norm. I'm thankful today is Friday and all though Fridays now pale in comparison to Fridays when I was younger, I still look forward to them with anticipation because you never know what the weekend will bring and I can't wait for this one to begin.

Other stuff...

- One of my friends from college recently broke up with her boyfriend. Like many, I thought they would be together forever, but everything happens for a reason. She was sharing with me how she wanted to rip up all the cards and stuff he had given to her over the time they were together and I quickly interjected and said no. I explained to her, that, just because you're not together anymore, doesn't erase those moments in which things were lovely and you two shared something special and you shouldn't forget that. Granted things have changed but don't let that make you forget about the good times you shared. I know from experience.

- Sometimes I feel unhip because I don't watch much television. I've very methodical and usually stick to a certain routine everyday. I usually just watch ESPN, CNN, Law and Order, the Jamie Foxx Show and sporting events. So, I'm completely lost when I here friends and coworkers talking about the Wire, the Sopranos and American Idol. I'm just not committed enough to have myself in front of the t.v. whenever they come on. Oh well.

A lifelong learning experience...

2007-05-24T08:39:00.000-05:00

At an early age, my dad and granddad told me something to the effect of, once you get that first taste, you'll be chasing it for the rest of your life. Of course, they were referring to the female species. It's something that I plan on sharing with my boys, because no truer words have ever been spoken. Whether it's getting a hug in church from that older girl in the youth choir or some fresh thang stealing a kiss from you on the playground in elementary school, once you get that attention from that attention from the opposite sex at an early age and realize how it makes you feel on the inside, you'll after it, and more, forever.

But as us young men get older, reality sets in, much to our surprise. While flirting, getting numbers and trying to get some is all well and good and a part of growing up, somewhere along the line, we missed the memo about dealing with the emotional part of the female species. Part of me wants to think that this is God showing us his sense of humor. Kind of like his way of telling and showing us who really runs things. So when we have to dealing with that time of the month, pregnancies and just the weird emotions our lovely mothers, sisters, significant others go through, the clueless blank stare on our faces are to be expected.

"She" told me last night that where men mess up is when we attempt to fix everything. I understood completely. It is in our nature to be protectors, providers and in control of situations. It can be a gift and a curse. So when a smile is not on her face, when she doesn't appear content, we panic and don't know what to do. Sure, she says she's ok, but we don't believe it, or at least we're not sure. We hear the verbal, but the visual is not adding up. So we press the issue, which can make the situation work and all we're left with is awkward silences and still, not knowing what to do. So we go to the other room, we pick up the controllers to the playstation, we leave. We wait for that smile or giggle that lets us know all is well to return. Until then we wait - dumbfounded.

For whatever reason, I tend to think I can cure all things, like I'm Clark Kent or something. When what I need to do, is back off and relax a bit. I think all men should as well. Not saying we shouldn't be attentive, but have a better understanding of when to and when not to try and be a hero.

Women are naturally complicated, in a good way. It's part of their makeup. It's part of what makes them special. Us men will never get it, but for me, I think if we at lease are putting forth the effort to understand and learn, we should get some credit, right? My friend EJ suggests it's impossible for a woman to figured out. I like to think nothing is impossible, but I do know it will be a lifelong learning experience.

The countdown begins...

2007-05-22T10:50:00.000-05:00

As I sit at my desk this morning, doing work here and there, the date on my computer and desk calendar reads May 22. What may be just another Tuesday to you, is a tad more important to me. You see, it's now less than one month to June 19, my 25th birthday. Those who have reached this milestone understand its importance. 25 is the quarter-century mark. It's halfway to 50. It's a point when your life should be looked at from a different perspective. It's time to really grow up.

For a young black man, the statistics say as I approach 25 I'm supposed to be either locked up or dead. Well, I've never been arrested and I ain't dead yet. To say I'm lucky would be an understatement. For 24 years and 11 months, I've been extremely blessed and am thankful for each passing day. Every once in a while, I wipe the dust off my old yearbook and take a look at the pictures of my former classmates. At last count, at least 10 out of a class of about 200 weren't around anymore. I easily think about how I could've have been one of them. So much left to be done, so much work unfinished.

With age, comes more responsibility and the opportunity to form your own identity. You have the opportunity to finally "grow up" so to speak. But in many cases, your parents or whoever you were raised may have a problem letting go. It's not a bad thing, but it can be hard for the people who have cared and provided for you the first 25 years, to realize that you're grow and on your own. So while growing up can be rough on you, letting go can be equally as hard for your family. What I've said to my parents and others is simple. You've raised me a certain way and laid the foundation for my life. Now, as I approach 25, if I mess up, it's on me. If, at 25, I forget all the values and morals my family instilled in me, there's nobody to blame but myself.

So, as I prepare for 25, I'm ready for the new responsibilites. I'm prepared to become a more mature person. To "grow up". I understand that when one hits "mid-20s" their outlook on life changes. Playtime is over. I've been doing a lot of thinking about where I am at 24 and what 25 will bring. Looking back and in talking with friends, I already see how my life has changed from 22 and 23. What 25 will bring, is yet to be seen.

Mama's Day

2007-05-09T14:34:00.001-05:00

Above is a picture of everyone's favorite t.v. mom, Phylicia Rashad, better known as Claire Huxtable.

So this Sunday, May 13, is Mother's Day. A day in which we run to Wal-Mart late on Saturday night to buy $4 cards that will be collecting dust in about a week. A day when churches will be filled will sons, daughters, cousins and friends who only show up on Easter and around Christmas. More than likely, Mom won't cook on Sunday. She'll be taken out to some random restaurant and her bill will likely be paid for. Before you know it, it will be Monday, she'll be back to work and back to having to deal with her bad ass kids.

With that said, what does Mother's Day really mean? Realistically, it is a day set aside for us to honor the mother figures in our lives. Whether it's our birth mother, step mother, grandmother, aunt or baby mama, it's important that we take sometime to express our love and especially our appreciation for them. Often times, we take mama for granted, because she's always been there. She's always had our back when we needed her. For that reason, Mother's Day shouldn't just be one day, it should be everyday.

Now, I'm not saying we don't need a holiday. There's nothing wrong with setting one day aside to "officially" show mom dukes how much she means to us, but too often, in between the second Sunday of May each year, we don't do enough to show how much she really means to us. Mothers are the first person we see, the first one we touch, the first person we feel connected too. For some, they are the only parent to ever be in their life. And for others, mom was taken away from them far too soon, before they were able to get to know her and say "thank you" for our life.

As we get older, we begin to notice things about ourselves that have naturally come from our mothers. The way we look, the way we think, the way we walk and talk. It's amazing and often times makes us chuckle because we she her in us. Our values have been instilled in us. The lessons she has taught us will be forever embedded, along with the switch and belts she laid in our rear ends. From the time we were born and for as long as we have her around, we know if we're hurt, whether it's a scratch from falling off a bike or when we struggle with our senior thesis, she'll be there to kiss is and make it better.

This is nothing against fathers, because they are indeed special too. But there's something about a mother's touch that can't be replace. Her voice is the sweetest and she'll always be the most beautiful woman in the world to us. I love my mommy for all the above reasons. She's always been there for me and I appreciate that. So, if you're fortunate enough to still have your mother around, take the time out and do something special for her this weekend.

Happy Mother's Day!

He ain't through wit' me yet...

2007-05-03T10:53:00.000-05:00

God has a unique of reminding us who is in charge. When we get in our comfort zone, we can often lose track of that. We get comfortable with our jobs, our relationships and just with everyday life. And while we know he's there, we often take our blessings for granted. I have often wondered when my "wake up" call would come. You see, while I know him, I could do better. I know I fall short in certain areas, but for whatever reason, I think I'll have time to clean up my act. I've seen other people have death in the family get their attention. Others have had serious car accidents open their eyes. Fortunately for me, none of those things have happened. But I know, in due time, something was going to come along.

And sure enough, it did.

This afternoon I had some down time at work. So I decided to scoot down to the closest Bank of America and deposit a check. Usually, I go through the drive thru, do my business and go about my day. But on this particular day, I had a pretty large check my mom had sent me and I wanted to deposit it face-to-face. So, as I and the teller were having small talk as she did her thing, some random guy comes flying through the door and jumps on the counter.

"Everybody get down!"

Oh shit, I thought. This can't be happening. Not here. Not now.

He turned my way and I didn't know at that point whether he had a gun or not, but I knew he had something, so I just hit the floor, ducked and admittedly, waited for the pop. I saw the guy clear the counter and head for the teller by the drive thru window. Being less than 20 feet from he door I knew I had a good five seconds, at best, to make it to the door. Now, I'm not bank robbery savvy, but I know you're not supposed to draw attention to yourself, but I thought now or never. I had to get the hell out of dodge.

I turned, and with a squat-crawl, scooted for the door and didn't look back.

I made it!

But, in my duckin' down for cover and in my hast to get out, I left my keys and license on the counter to I still was stuck. I ran to the florist next door and told them to call 911 because the bank was being robbed. Apparently, whoever was at the window when the robbery saw it, had called police and they were already on the way.

Whoever it was was able to get away on a motorcycle and thankfully, nobody was hurt. I was an experience I will never forget, but for whatever reason, it hasn't really bothered me. I was able to get everything back, talk to the cops and continue with my day. As I shared my story with a couple of people, they told me they were glad I was alright and one person in particular said: "Someone was praying for you"

I have no doubt I am what I am because of the prayers of others. In this situation, it made me think even harder about where I've come from and what's left for me. When that man turned towards me, he could have easily pulled the trigger and if not killed me, he could've injured me pretty bad, but he didn't. When I went for the door, he could have shot me, but he didn't. For whatever reason, I was spared and am able to talk about it today. For that I'm thankful. After the fact, I said to myself, I know this wasn't where it was going to end. I wasn't about to let that happen. Not this day at least. I couldn't have imagined the look on my mother's face has she received a call from the police. I couldn't accept the fact that I wouldn't be able to see "her" again.

Our day will come when it will be "game over" for us. But for me, I was able to keep going, without a scratch. I have a lot left to do. And, I plan on making the best of it.

So don't trip, cuz he ain't through with me yet.

She-Her IV

2007-04-25T15:35:00.000-05:00

In what has become almost routine, she and I went out to dinner the other night. Her restaurant of choice on this particular evening was Chilis. She said it, so who was I to deny her the opportunity to dig into a molton and sip on an apple martini. She and I arrived around 9:30. so the crowd was sparse. I was able to dine with her without having to deal with a lot of random people around us.

As we sat and talked, I watched her as she meticulously scanned the menu. As always her makeup was flawless and it made me feel good because she applied it with a new MAC brush, I bought her. She looked amazing.

Admittedly, I felt tingly on the inside, and I told her this. She smiled and said "you're not". Oh, but I was. She and I are in tune. We have have a chemistry that is almost unexplainable. I asked her could I tell her something. She said of course. I asked her if she really knew how strongly I felt about her, because I didn't think she did. Of course she knew I cared about her and had love for her, but did she really know that thoughts of her run rampant through my mind all day. When she and I aren't physically connected, I try to be mentally connected with her. Picturing what she's doing, where she's located.

As I told her this, she smiled, almost to the point of being embarrassed. Her face was red. A couple of days later, we continued our conversation. I told her how all I want is for her to be happy and if there's anything she needed, no matter how big, if I was able to do it, I would. I think that much of her. She has and hopefully will continue to be a blessing to me.

Many have asked who she is.

Wouldn't you like to know...

Speechless

2007-04-17T10:10:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while, something monumental happens that changes our lives and the world forever.

We've seen it over the past 10 years. There has been the Columbine shootings, the Beltway snipers, Hurricane Katrina and of course, 9/11.

With each event, the world seemingly stops and we have no choice but to reflect on the important things. It forces us to put our lives in perspective. In a day and age where in which we are constantly on the go, contastrophic events can cause us to take our foot off the gas bit. We say "I love you" more often. We smile a little more than the day before. We focus more on the "little things."

But on Monday, April 16, 2007, the world indeed stopped again, for a couple of hours.

Virginia Tech, located in the southwest area of my home state, became the site of the deadliest shootings in United States history. What began as an assumed domestic dispute quickly transformed into a massacre beyond belief. Innocent lives lost. Bloodshed. Tears. It was hard for me to watch the events play out simply because I've walked that beautiful campus numerous times. Many of my classmates from high school attended and graduated from the school. So as I watched, apart of me was hurting on the inside. I was speechless.

The body count kept rising. 10, 21, 28, 32.

As the events died down, fear and sadness quickly turned to questions. Who? Why? How? Who could have done such a thing? Why did it have to happen here, now and to these students? How could this happen?

As the night went on, we would learn that current student and Northern Virginia native Cho Sueng-hui was the perpertrator of this senseless day. Described as a loner and disturbed, Cho, a South Korea had been living in the states since 1992.

With no apparent target or motive, Cho sifted through Norris Hall going from class to class and firing away. When the police approached, he turned the gun on himself.

He got off way too easy. He punked out.

Naturally, in times like these, one questions where's God? We wonder how a God who is suppossed to be all-loving, could allow this to happen. Why did he allow these innocent students, all with such promising futures, die in such a violent manner. Count me as one who looked up and asked why.

But as I felt anger inside and as my faith was tested, I realized this was a perfect opportunity to find the good in all this and realize that, in spite of the bad times, God is still there. Maybe these people who were killed were used to remind us of who's in charge.

What Virginia Tech, nor the rest of us, can let one evil-spirited person(s) win. We always have and always will get through the bad times. Pain may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning!

Ho tendencies

2007-04-11T10:10:00.000-05:00

Count me as the many who didn't have any clue radio shock jock Don Imus was still on the air.

I vaguely remember him and the only reason I even knew of him was because of the many controversial statements has made in the past. But recently he was brought back to national "prominence" because of his comments about the Rutgers women's basketball team.

To give a little background, Rutgers lost to Tennessee in the women's national championship in Cleveland. A few days later on his radio show, which was simulcast on MSNBC, when discussing the game, Imus called the players "nappy-headed hos" and referred to the Tennessee-Rutgers matchup as the jiggaboos vs. the wannabes, an obvious reference to Spike Lee's School Daze.

Although it was a lame attempt at humor and one must ask "What the hell was he thinking?"

While it took some time for the story to spread, once it did, it picked up speed like a rocket. It was on CNN, FOXNEWS, ESPN and talk radio shows and newspapers all of the country. It made for some good office chatter, which is still going on now. I'll share my feelings later on in this post.

As stated earlier, Imus has a history of ignorant, racial remarks. He once called respected journalist Gwen Ifill a "cleaning lady." So this came as no surprise.

Predictably, since it had some racial overtone, Jesse and Al came running. This was their time. This is where and when they "shine." And naturally, the cameras followed. Rutgers held a "feel sorry for me" press conference, were head coach C. Vivian Stringer and her players so eloquently represented themselves and the university, looking and sounding nothing like nappy-headed hos.

However, in the midst of the Imus-Rutgers controversy, another storm came ashore. Many called bullshit on this whole thing. Many called black America hypocrites for only speaking up when slurs and demeaning words come out of the mouths of old white guys rather as opposed to saying nothing when it comes from out own communities. You hear the question asked, "Well, rappers use degraded terms in their lyrics all the time, where's the outcry then?"

Others in the black community, including myself, question the motives and validity of Jackson's and Sharpton's actions. For whatever reason, these two have been appointed the President and Vice President. Many feel they don't speak for our community and that they are "outdated" thus misrepresenting what a vast majority of black folk really feel.

AOL and Kansas City Star columnist Jason Whitlock weighed in, calling Jackson and Sharpton "terrorists". Newsday's Shaun Powell says we should not condemn Imus, yet thank him.

Look, nobody is saying Imus was not wrong. On a FCC monitored public broadcast, he should have know better. The hell with what he thinks once he gets from behind the mike. However, it becomes confusing to mainstream America and starts a debate when terms that "we" often use and dub endearing are all of a sudden attacked when someone else uses it. Maybe we need to self-police ourselves and re-think somethings.

CBS fired Imus and whether or not he should have lost his job was debatable. What he did do, was make black folk talk and in turn, look in the mirror. It has made us talk, which, despite the different opinions that come from the talk is the main thing.

I'm still lukewarm on my stance. I was offended by his statements and while I thought his apology could have come sooner and been a bit more sincere, he did apologize. But until then, I hope this situation makes us realize we have to respect ourselves before we can expect anyone to respect us.

Coach Rob: "our" coach

2007-04-05T10:12:00.000-05:00

If a man can look back on his life and say he kept the same job for 50 years and was married to the same woman for just as long, I'd say he did a pretty damn good job in life.

Eddie Robinson is one of those men.

Robinson, the former head coach at Grambling State University, died last week in Louisiana at the age of 88. He was coach at Grambling for 56 years. During that time, he sent of 200 players to the NFL (four hall of famers) and touched the lives of thousands more. You see, back in the day when colleges, especially in the south, weren't admitting blacks, Grambling and other HBCUs got the top blacks who nowadays would be going to the Floridas, Alabamas and Ohio States of the world.

He single handedly put Grambling and black college football on the map. Black athletes wanted to go and play for Grambling. They wanted to play for "Coach Rob" For many of his players, he was much more than just a football coach, he was a father figure. For as much as he taught his players the Xs and Os on the field, he taught them the lessons of life. And made sure he walked the walk.

For black folks, he was "our coach" He represented black athletics with dignity and grace, not to mention success. He won 408 wins in his careers and was widely respected amongst his more "well-known" coaching peers such as Bear Bryant, Joe Paterno and Bobby Bowden. It's no secret, Robinson could have, and should have, had an opportunity to move on to to a bigger and better opportnity, but he didn't. He stayed loyal to Grambling and its community.

He may have stayed at the small Louisiana school and community his whole career, but his impact will always be felt worldwide.

April 4, 1968

2007-04-04T10:17:00.000-05:00

A couple of years ago, I was in Memphis, Tenn. for a week for work. It was my first time there and, although I was there on company time, I wanted to use some of my down time that week to do some sightseeing. So I did. I stayed in the heart of downtown, so I was in walking distance to the world famous Beale Street. I was able to eat at B.B. King's Blues Club, tour the FEDEX Forum and go to the Pyramid.

While I thoroughly enjoyed visiting these landmarks and getting a feel for the essence of Memphis, it wasn't my ultimate destination.

I wanted to see the Civil Rights Museum.

The museum was built in connection with the historic Lorraine Motel, where civil rights leader Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated on April 4, 1968. On the outside, it was nothing special. A bit run down. Sub-par landscpaing. But for about the next hour or so I spent inside, it was perhaps one of the most powerful experiences I've ever had. You hear stories of what it was like back in the day. You read. You're taught. But, there is much more to the story. To see the life-like exhibits of what it was like to be lynched. To sit at a a makeshift counter simulating sit-ins and to sit on a replica of the bus Rosa Parks sat in, puts things in perspective. To see where Dr. King lost his life is beyone words.

Yes, we've come along way, yet there is a long way to go. I would suggest to anyone who has never been to the museum to consider that as a vacation destination. It is an experience you'll never forget.

So, on this day, 39 years after Dr. King was killed because he sacrificed to make my life better, my heart is heavy. Yet, looking back, I'm filled with joy because if it wasn't for him, who knows how my life, and many others like me, would be.

RIP

She-Her III

2007-03-28T14:03:00.000-05:00

By request, I was asked to write about her again. She's always on my mind, so expressing my thoughts about her through words is easy.

Over the last couple of months, she and I have continued to become close. I see her almost everyday, and if I don't, she's always on my mind. I can count on her when I need her and when she needs me, I'm there. Many times, without saying a word, I can look at her and know what she's thinking. Her demeanor and facial expressions say it all. She calls it "boo-like." I tend to agree with her. She has learned my tendencies. They have become familiar to her.

She and I connect on many levels. Whether it's just the look she gives me, or a kiss I give her. When she smiles I smile. When I look into her eyes, she has me. I know what type of mood she's in as soon as I hear her voice on the other end of the line.

Who is she? Wouldn't you like to know. Many think they know her, but really have no idea who she is. If you were to meet her, you'd realize she's as wonderful and my word describe her as. Until then, you have to use your imagination about her, or wonder if she even exists...

390 million reasons to smile

2007-03-19T16:30:00.000-05:00

I grew up in what most would consider an upper middle class family. We weren't rich, but we were fortunate enough to not struggle. Even though this was the case, I was always taught to value the dollar. I had to get a part-time job and I worked throughout my high school years. So, I had an appreciation of how hard it is to make money and how quickly that money can disappear.

As I got older and entered the real world, I had to take on more responsibilities financially. Rent, phone and cable bills and recently, a car note. Naturally, not having to deal or think about such things for so long made the transition somewhat difficult. I had to now budget and take into account bills and groceries and saving money for emergency situations. I was on my own.

I always wondered how things would be if I were rich. And my rich, I'm not talking living in a cul-de-sac rich, I'm talking NBA, Fortune 500, Diddy and Donald Trump rich. Rich enough where you don't even have to think twice about how much you spend and when income is constantly coming in.

For the common, everyday person such as you a I, being financially stable such as those mentioned above, boggles the mind. We can't fathom it. We dream, but the reality is while Jay-Z is rising around in the Phantom, we're still thinking we're in a phantom.

So, I had to smile the other weekend when a New Jersey couple won the $390 million jackpot. By all accounts, these were "regular" people whose lives were instantly changed forever and they went to a higher tax bracket in a matter of minutes. I can't imagine what it was like for them to, one day be working hard for money, to the next, not having to work ever again. I wonder will the money change them. I wonder how well they will manage it. Whatever happens, they must be able to smile by lookinig at their bank account.

Why you mad?

2007-03-12T09:57:00.000-05:00

I love black women. At an early age, I was taught by my dad, grandfather and uncles to honor and respect our women. It was not so much what they said to me, but rather how I saw my mother and other females in my family treated. Other than the normal marital spats and arguments, I never saw any female relative of mine hit or physically abused in any way. Yes, everything was not always smooth and there were times when conversation was minimal and looks that were given were less than desirable, but overall the good outweighed the bed and there was a lot of love our households.

I recognize I was fortunate. I have heard stories from friends and associates about having to grow up in a household where domestic violence was the norm. Where it wasn't uncommon for them to see their mom physically abused by her husband or boyfriend or their dad physically abuse his wife or girl. Naturally, I couldn't comprehend it because it was something I hadn't experienced myself. It would be much later on in life before I even saw domestic violence first hand, so I wasn't even exposed to it outside of my household.

Anyways, this past Sunday, I was cruising the mean streets of Gun-wavin' New Haven. I, along with four friends, was stirring over the preached word we heard at church and on the way to get some food. This particular Sunday afternoon, there was a lot of extra traffic due to the unusually planned, St. Patrick's Day parade. So we were in stop-n-go traffic the entire 5 or so miles. I was always taught by my dad to be aware of what's going on around you, no matter how minor it is. For the most part, I do. I never want to be in a situation where I'm not prepared.

There was a couple driving in front of us on Sunday and they looked very animated to say the least. I didn't think much of it, because I've argued in a car before so, oh well. But as we crept along, the argument became a bit more "animated" complete with neck rolling and arm gestures. At this point, the ladies in my car became a bit more intrigued, upset and scared for the young lady, who was driving. I didn't think much of it, that is, until this brother hit the dashboard which resulted in the bottom of the windshield shattering. He, obviously still mad, then hit the top of the windshield, causing another crack. I was genuinely nervous, hoping I wouldn't be a witness to a beat down.

Then, the car stopped.

Oh shit.

He got out.

A very disturbed young lady, visibly shaken, got out the and walked away. The guy got in the car and drove off. Just like that, it was over. I pulled off behind him wondering why we were in the position to see what we had just seen. The streets were packed, so I know everyone else saw it. The car he was driving made a left at the light, I kept straight, never to see him again. I wondered why he was so mad. As a guy, I know what it's like to get frustrated, but I never raised my fist, as he had done. I wondered where his girl walked off to, and whether they saw each other later that night. I thought about how I would've felt, after my anger wore off, to see the damaged windshield. Whose car was it? I don't know.

Admittedly, I've had temper problems in the past, but this guy made me look like an angel. What were they beefin' about? What made him so mad? Whatever it is, she didn't deserve to be treated like she did and I hope he gets some help.

Looking up

2007-03-09T09:48:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, God has a way of getting our attention. In the midst of our everyday lives, we tend to get so wrapped up in our jobs, friends and social life, we forget to take care of the most important thing - ourselves. I'm guilty as charged. When I go, I'm moving at warp speed. And while I work out consistently, that's no substitute for good ole fashion rest and relaxation.

This past Sunday, I went to New York to see an Arena League game. Naturally, in an arena/stadium setting, I sweated a bit. I thought nothing of it, even as I walked back to the bus with no jacket on and in wind gusts upward to 15 mph. So what, I'm Superman (so I think), I can't possibly get sick.

But I did.

As you get older you're able to recognize when something's not right within. On Monday morning, it slowly began to hit me. Now, I'm not one to leave work early, especially because of a few sniffles, but I felt so bad I had no choice but to head to the crib. My body achin' and chills taking over, I made it home and got no future than the couch. I took some medicine, laid down and could barely move. All I could do was look up. Despite the fact, I hadn't been sick in a while and I had been taking reasonably good care of myself, I think God saw to the need to tap me on the shoulder and let me know he was stil there. As I curled up in my blanket, head throbbing, I got the message. I think God good a slight chuckle seeing me there curled up barely able to move. If was as if he new the message had been sent.

I'm better now, thankfully. And yes, "she" did bring some medicine by and checked up on me. But looking back, before I could get well and while I was suffering through my fever, coughs and everything else, all I could do was look up.

I needed that reminder.

Thug Love

2007-03-01T09:57:00.000-05:00

For the last couple of weeks, I have been in the corner quietly watching the fallout of the 2007 NBA All-Star Game. Needless to say, there has been a wide array of opinions, break downs and barbershop talk about what has been unofficially dubbed Black Thanksgiving.

In case you've been sitting under a rock, the NBA All-Star game was held in Sin City a.k.a Las Vegas last month. It was the first time in history the game has been played in a non-NBA city, although Vegas has been lobbying for a team for quite some time. Any event in Vegas, sports-related or not, draws a crowd. Whether attending a show, going to the casinos or just strolling up and down the strip, Vegas is what it is - a party city. So what happens in Vegas usually stays in Vegas - until now.

For the last 8-10 years, or the post-Jordan era, the NBA has been closely associated with hip-hop and it's culture and the annual All-Star weekend has become a must-attend event among our generation. This is evident by some of the player's styles and the fan base. It's something that has brought younger fans to the game and undoubtedly has made the league tons of money because of the popularity of NBA gear in the 'hood.

The NBA-hip-hop connection has been somewhat of a gift and a curse. Yes, the popularity continues to be high among young blacks, but at the same time the league has unfairly taken on a image of being a league full of overpaid thugs. This image was only enhanced a few years ago after the infamous Pacers-Pistons brawl. While the fallout financially has been minimal, the perception of the league took a hit.

So, it didn't help when the masses came in a took over Vegas like never before. Like Scoop Jackson put it, every flight coming in looked like Soul Plane and every airport looked like the million man march. I know people who were there. The stories are true. It was a wild weekend, but the overwhelming majority of people I've spoken with enjoyed themselves while others claim it was mayhem.

The reality is, NBA All-Star weekend brought out the best or worst of people. In the midst of thousands of people partying, having a good time and enjoying themselves, there were 403 arrests and numberous other incidents that have put a damper on what was overall an enjoyable weekend.

So, because Pacman Jones decided to make it rain on some hoes, , all of a sudden, everyone's having a spasm and is scared of future All-Star games. Now I'm not condoning the behavior that went on in Vegas, however, I feel it's quite hypocritical for a league to market to a certain crowd and when things go wrong, they want to turn their backs on what has made them successful.

Growing Up

2007-02-27T13:51:00.000-05:00

There comes a point in everyone's life when the light comes on. A point when you realize that time waits for no one. For some people, that point comes early. For others, it comes later on in life. Either way, you can't stay in the crib stage forever, you have to grow up. Often times we find people who, in a way, are scared to grow up. They latch on to their parents, childhood friends or anything that is familiar to them, unwilling to create a life of their own. Scared of the real world.

The reality is, the real world can be scary. Then again, it's not so much the "real world" so to speak, it's the responsibility that comes with growing up. Bills, car notes, rent, mortgage and food are just a few of the responsibilities one must take on. If we're not at a stage of maturity to handle this, we must either grow up fast or suffer the consequences of not being prepared. We can end up in debt, hungry or get to a point where we have a mental or emotional break down because of the pressures of everyday life.

In Paul's letter to the people of Corinth (1 Cor. 13:11), he says "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." More recently, Cedric the Entertainer put in more laymen terms when he said there comes a point when you realize you're a grown ass man. Whether you prefer Paul's or Cedric's way of saying it, the message is the same. As we get older and mature, there are doors that we need to close and some that need to be opened. With each year, we must get wiser, more responsible and mature.

The great Muhammed Ali perhaps said it best when he suggest "the man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life." I take this quote seriously and try to apply to my everyday life. Each day I try to improve on things I know I'm weak and try to be so closed-minded on issues.

For young men, growing up can be hard. We enjoy having fun, we enjoy the lack of responsibility. There's nothing wrong with that, although some ladies may disagree. As I sat with my realtor the other day, the light bulb kind of came up as I listened to her talk about the house hunting and buying process. I was definitely opening. Also "her" maturity that "she" brings challenges me to do better.

We'll see what happens.

Lost One

2007-02-22T10:51:00.000-05:00

I know I'm cool. My shoes usually match my gear and I'm usually up to date on the latest trends and what's hot at any particular time. As an 80s baby (1982 to be exact), I'm unofficially required to know such things. I need to be able to hold a decent conversation on anything pop culture related. If I can't, my cool meter will descend at an alarming rate and my hood pass will be under the threat of being revoked.

In this day and age of MTV, VH1 and other cable channels, pop culture news has equaled, if not passed, hard news in terms of coverage and interest. I understand this, really I do. There will be times where some celebrity news will garner national attention, even though sometimes people who aren't "down" won't think it's important.

Consider the last couple of weeks one of those times for me. The coverage of Anna Nicole Smith and Britney Spears just didn't do it for me. I'm lost. Forgive me if I'm missing something here. I know Smith was a modern day Marilyn Monroe, so to speak, but you can't convince me that she was that much of a star that her untimley death warranted wall-to-wall converage and analysis on every news station. Now, I know her life was a train wreck and, for whatever reason, our society loves that sort of thing, but give me a break. I just don't get it.

And Britney, she enters rehab, shaves her head and it makes front page news. If anything, someone should do a story about how no other pop "star" in the part 5-10 years has a fallen as far as she has. There is so much that the media needs to be focusing on. The war, presidential campaigns, what's going on in the hood, etc. So, when all I see on CNN and FoxNews is the garbage, it gets frustrating.

She-Her II

2007-02-20T09:51:00.000-05:00

The moment she walked in the room, her smile and beauty lit up the entire room. Her outfit was simple and even though she wasn't at all "dolled up", her mere presence made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. She smiled and her eyes connected with mine, which made me and her laugh in unison. Yeah, at this point she had me. When she kissed me on the cheek, I got a whiff of her perfume and the sweet-flavored gloss she was wearing. She smiled and turned and headed out the door, her jeans calling me to follow. I obliged. After all, she had invited me to dinner. I couldn't turn her down.

I sat across from her in admiration. She was flawless. The dim light that was mounted over our table was bright enough to add a glow to her face. I told her this same thing. She smiled and said thanks. Unbeknownst to her, she was garnering the attention of many other patrons that night, both men and women. She was the finest thing there that night. And me, a lowly sprout, was fortunate enough to have that "Yeah, I'm with her look" on my face. As we ate and talked, the words flowed off her tongue as smooth as silk. In listening to her, I was apparent she was becoming more comfortable opening up to me. I didn't say much, just responded when the moment was right. I let her express herself and she did.

The dinner and conversation with her lasted over an hour. An hour spent with her seems like an eternity, and that's not a bad thing. She wanted a drink, and in an effort to keep the smile on her face, we decided to continue the evening elsewhere. As we rode to our destination, she had a look of contentment on her face, which was good. When we got to the bar, I had to freshen up and when I got back, she had my drink ordered. She knew what I wanted. Point for her. We continued our conversation, but because she had to get up early, I had to get her home. As the night ended, I walked her to her car and she gave me a hug. It felt just as good as it did four hours earlier.

Dumbass of the Week

2007-02-16T14:08:00.000-05:00

Congrats are in order for Tim Hardaway (pictured above) for earning The Beach Chair's first ever "Dumbass of the Week" award. This is not something people should strive for, simply because this award instantly removes you from the beach and any respect you had earned goes out of the window. If you haven't heard, Hardaway hates gay people. He not only hates them, but doesn't want them around and heaven-forbid if he had one as a teammate, he'd distance himself from them. The former five-time NBA all-star's comments came earlier this week while appearing on Dan LeBetard's radio show. They came in response to the recent story about former NBA player John Amaechi's announcement that he was gay.

Hardaway, who hasn't been relevant for (and I'm being generous) about five years now, suffered from the incurable disease that I like to call "give a n---- a mic and he doesn't know how to act." It's just something you don't say. You can not like gay people, you can not want them around. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. But you can't go on a national radio show and say it and on top of that, use one of the most profound words possible - hate. In a matter of 60 seconds, Hardaway committed career suicide. From now on nobody is going to remember the fact he was a top guard in the 90s, no one is going to think about the Run TMC-era. When we think Tim Hardaway, we will think about his homophobic comments.

Hardaway apoologized a day later and predictably, called on God in the process. But, what's done is done. You can't take it back. There's a difference in being politically correct and flat out dumb, which often comes at a price, which Hardaway now has to pay. What Hardaway failed to realize is that his comments affected a lot of people, even those he has never met.

So once, again the tornado, known as the tongue has gotten someone into trouble. So congratulations Tim, you earned it.

Is Barack "Black Enough?"

2007-02-13T11:23:00.000-05:00

The last couple of days, one of hottest political discussions has been whether 2008 Presidential candidate Barack Obama is "black enough" to be elected to office next year. Now, I'm not talking about skin-tone, because clearly brother Obama is light-skinned and "those" guys haven't been popular since the El Debarge-era. But, the question of Obama's blackness has been made by people who have stereotyped an entire race. In other words, they question his ability to connect with the "other" blacks, the uneducated, the hip-hoppers and those who don't conform to "the man's" standards. You see, Obama is young, articulate and handsome. White folks like him because is doesn't appear threatening. To some of them, he's a "good" black. Black folks are behind him, happy to see the first brother since Jesse Jackson give a serious run at the White House. But in the same breath, some blacks are concerned Obama isn't black enough (doesn't have a hood pass) to get the amount of support he needs from the black community.

To give a brief background, Obama is the son of a Kenyan father and white mother. He is married to a sista and attends church in his home of Chicago. So his blackness is authentic, to me at least. But still, because he has seemingly joining the Oprah and Michael Jordan club of celebrities who have massive crossover appeal. And like Oprah and sometimes Jordan, he's already dealing with those who are concerned that, because white folk like him, he'll forget about the blacks whom he'll undoubtedly need if he can seriously contend for the White House.

A co-worker of mine put it like this.

I could write a book on this, but it boils down to people like Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, who are nothing but relics of the Civil Rights movement, realizing that Obama doesn't need them to get elected, and if he doesn't need them, like past Democratic candidates have needed them to pander to the black vote, then will they have a place at the table?

I agree totally with this. Often times, we as black people can be like crabs in a barrel.

When someone is trying to get ahead, some of us reach up and pull him or her down so they can't reach their goal. I, and many others liken what Obama is now having to go through to Bill Cosby. Cosby is widely beloved by whites and blacks. The Cosby Show was groundbreaking in helping eliminating stereotypes about how a black family should act and what they should look like. But Cosby sometimes loses favor in our communities simply because he speaks the truth about what's going on in the hood. It's not what he's saying, it's the fact that it's him saying it and some don't think blacks should air out its own dirty laundry.

Like I said before, Obama is bright young political mind, with a realistic shot to make history and become president. So, it's sad that simply because he doesn't "suck up" to the traditional black leaders and doesn't say the things the way and when some think is appropriate, that he has to go through unnecessary criticism.

Now, if that constitutes Obama not being black enough and losing some support from the black community, then we're in a sad states affairs.

He says he's gay...now what?

2007-02-12T10:22:00.000-05:00

Pictured above is John Amaechi, a former NBA player who most notably spent time with the Utah Jazz and Orlando Magic in his short career. To be nice, Amaechi was mediocre at best during his time in the league and his perhaps best (only) known for scoring the first points of the 21st century. Recently though, Amaechi's "fame" went to another level so to speak, as he announced that he was gay. With that announcement, he became the first NBA player, current of former, to come out of the closet. His story will be told through a book, which is I think appropriately titled Man in the Middle.

Predictably, there has been a wide range of reaction to the Amaechi story. Some say it's a none issue. Others don't care either way. A few such as ESPN's LZ Granderson were unimpressed with Amaechi's decision to come out after he left the league. Now, I don't know whether Amaechi was gay when he was active in the NBA, but if he was, I kind of feel Granderson in that, he would have more credibility and respect from me if he were bold enough to make his announcement while he was playing. Now, I know that would not have been the easiest thing to do and he perhaps would have been unfairly mistreated in and out of the locker room, but his lifestyle off the court shouldn't have affected his play on the court. But again, it was his decision and I respect it.

I am perhaps the most heterosexual-esque male on the planet (at least, I think I am), but I have no problem wit gay people. Although I may not agree with their lifestyle, I respect their decision to live their life the way they want. With that said, I find it interested that a person's decision to come out of the closet always is some sort of groundbreaking achievement. I can understand the interest in Amaechi's story because male athletes are seen as masculine and macho and for him to say he's gay went against a universal stereotype. But now what, I'm sure Amaechi's life, now that this is public info, will change a bit. But does this now mean you'll see more athletes coming out of the closet? I don't think so. Will this change the perception of athletes and what type of lifestyle we think the lead? Not so much.

Now that the dust has settled on Amaechi, I guess we'll just have to wait until the next "big" news...

Black History Month

2007-02-09T09:52:00.000-05:00

As I sit in my cube this morning, the calendar on my desk shows the month of February. My first thoughts are that 1) this year is already moving fast and 2) it's Black History Month. But why am I not excited or inspired? I know I should be because this is supposed to be a period of time in which the achievements and contributions of African-Americans past and present are celebrated. But as the mid-point of this short month approaches, I look at myself as black person and I feel the same way I did last month. What gives? I know I'm not the only one. None of my black friends have made any mention of being excited about BHM. I have received just one email in reference to BHM events. I admittedly have not even browse the net and local newspapers to find information about events related to BHM. I'm not in any way not appreciative of what my ancestors have done in the past and the doors they've have opened for blacks because of the sacrifices they made. But looking at the state of BHM in 2007, this needs to be re-examined.

For some 30-plus years, BHM has been recognized. To some. the designation of one month to a specific race has always been question. To me, the relevance and priority in which BHM nowadays is what bothers me. It appears it's almost gotten to the point of being recognized out of obligation, rather than want or desire. This is apparent from the government, to the corporate world all the way to our churches in our own communities. Many are like "oh, well let's talk about Martin Luther King, Jr. and Rosa Parks and call it a day."

The reality is, although those two were very influential, there were and still are many more blacks who had an impact on this country. I tried to explain this to my dear mother, who was in charge of the BHM program at our church back home. She said she was planning on having people read poems and pose as some historical black figures. Now, this was fine and all, but I tried to get her to see that it's important, particularly for the young people, that some current black heroes are recognized. In my opinion, that's where some of the problem lies. Our young people have no real role models to look up to. And I know sports figures and music people in a way are role models, but in this day and age, our youth need to see that you can be successful without being an NBA player or a rap star. It's all about being educated and having options.

So, this BHM, while it's a time of celebration, it also should be a time to review what this month was initially set aside for and how we can recapture that feeling. The only question is, how do we do that

Nice guys DO finish first

2007-02-05T13:52:00.000-05:00

Super Bowl XLI is not going to go down as the greatest game ever. If you didn't see it, I can assure you, it wasn't an instant classic. Played in what was a sunny Miami the week prior, on Sunday, the heavens opened up and for the first time in history, it rained at a Super Bowl. Because of the conditions, for me at least, it put a damper on the event. I mean seriously, who wants to watch, and play in for that matter, a soggy championship game. It even caused Prince to come out with his perm wrapped.

The Colts soundly defeated the Bears 29-17 and all the "he can't win the big one" tags were instantly removed from quarterback Peyton Manning and head coach Tony Dungy. I'm not a fan of the Colts nor the Bears. But as a black man, I was perhaps more excited to watch this game than any previous Super Bowl. As noted, this was the first time a black head coach had led his team to the Super Bowl. It was more exciting because both the Colts and Bears (Lovie Smith) were led by black head coaches. It was an historic event to say the least. While I said prior to the game, I really didn't care who won because it was a win-win situation, I will admit now I was rooting for Tony Dungy. Dungy is one of the good guys. He is a man of great morals and faith who has done things the right way. He has come up short in his career in the "big" games in Tampa Bay and in Indy, but despite that has still been one of the most successful coaches in the NFL.

Dungy has overcome tragedy as well. Last year, his 18-year-old son committed suicide in Tampa and Dungy had to deal with that and try and coach his team in the playoffs. Through it all, Dungy has maintained is class and faith in God. He's not a coach who is animated and yells unnecessarily. Yet, his calm demeanor is just as effective and his players and fans respect him for that. So as the clock ticked down and the Gatorade was poured on coach Dungy, I was genuinely proud and excited for him. He's a good guy who is (should be) a real role model for everyone, particularly young black men. When handed the Vince Lombardi trophy, he wasn't ashamed to thank God in front of millions, not caring what people thought.

So yes, I was proud of Dungy. He is proof that good guys can finish first.

So I've gotten soft, you say?

2007-01-31T16:19:00.000-05:00

I don't mind being called out. In fact, I welcome it. If someone sees me doing something wrong, tell me. If i'm out of line, pull me to the side and let me know about it. Granted, I may not agree with you and I may be a bit stubborn, but I respect the fact you could to me (not behind my back) and tell me about it. I especially expect this from my closest friends. They are the ones who know me the best and should be comfortable coming to me in an appropriate fashion. I find it disturbing when people I know, see me out of order and don't say anything about it.

I know you're wondering, "what did you do now?" Well to me, nothing. It's a new year, I've turned over a new leaf and I thought I was doing a good job and having fun in my return to bloggin'. But as always, when you think you're doing something wit' yourself, you get brought back down to size, so to speak. Ever direct and always quick to tell me about myself, my dear friend "EJ" said in so many word that my bloggin' was soft. I had to step back for a minute. I know, I don't bring the "fire" like I did back in the Boom-Boom room, but that Big J is gone. I think different, I look at the world different. I'm more mellow that in the past. However, that doesn't mean I can't get my juices flowing from time to time.

As I complete this blog, I'm watching Around the Horn on ESPN. They're talking about Tank Johnson and his rants of being a victim of racism. Tank's a punk who should be in jail, but is getting the opportunity to play in the Super Bowl for no other reason I can think of, other than the Chicago judge is probably a Bears' fan. If you don't know Tank's story here it is. So I laugh at Johnson's claim of racism. Racism isn't having loaded guns in your house with your kids like you're about to go to Vietnam. Don't cry racism when YOU have been arrested three times in 18 months. Don't accuse the white man of being racist when YOU are the one putting yourself in these situations. We as black people easily blame others when we are in trouble. Yet we rarely take responsibility for our own actions. Tank is a prime example.

But right on cue, Brother Johnson got all religious on us as my girl Jemele writes so eloquently. It's easy to call on Jesus when you're in trouble and everyone is "out to get you" So I want to ask Tank, where you actin' Christ-like when your boy got shot up in the club? Were you talking to God when you got into a scuffle with the cop? I have a beef with guys who cry racism when people call you out for something YOU did. It's time for someone to be accountable, to be a man about theirs once in a while.

Don't be like Tank and don't take it when someone says you're soft.

Continue...

2007-01-29T15:15:00.000-05:00

I carry a message with me on my right wrist everyday. A message that simply says "continue" It's engraved on a silver braclet that my parents gave me last summer for my 24th birthday. This one word carries so much meaning that there aren't enough words to describe. While it may seem simple, to me, it's not.

"Continue" is a verb and, according to Webster, means to maintain without interruption a condition, course, or action. I'll admit now, some seven months later, that when I first looked at the braclet with the inscription, I didn't get it. I thought that because the braclet was rather small, they couldn't think of anything else that would fit and be appropriate. But when my dad explained it to me, my vision, which was a tad cloudy, cleared up. By saying continue, the message was simply to not get comfortable. By continuing, I won't get satisfied with where I'm at. When I reach a goal, I can't get complacent, I have to keep going to try an reach the next milestone.

One simple word is missed by a lot of people. We tend to not push ourselves to maximize our potential. When we do this, we fall short of our goals and what we can achieve if we had just continued. It doesn't matter the pace or how quickly we continue, it's just the fact that we do.

The message is clear. Like Diddy says, "we won't stop, cuz we can't stop" No matter how good things are or even how bad, it's important that we keep moving ahead, keep pressing on and continue...

Soul Bowl I: It's a big deal...to us at least

2007-01-23T09:57:00.001-05:00

This past Sunday, Jan. 21, 2007 was just like any other Sunday in my life. I relunctently got up, went to church, went to eat and made my way home. However, I went with some co-workers to grab a bite to eat at the local soul food joint, so as I was driving back, I looked at the clock and knew I wouldn't make it back home in time for kickoff of the Bears-Saints game. So, being the technologically-savy person I am, I turned on my Sirius radio to listen to the game. Much to my surprise, the Bears were up big early. I was one of the many who ASSumed the Saints' wonderful story would continue and they would cruise past the Bears to the Super Bowl. I mean, after all that happened with Hurricane Katrina, it seemed only right that they end up in Miami. But despite an inspired effort, the Saints fell to the Bears - there season over. While it was a disappointment to see New Orleans' season end, I felt a sense of pride to see Lovie Smith, a black man, lead his team to the Super Bowl.

As Smith stood on the podium to accept the NFC Championship trophy, not only was a sense of excitement hoover over his face, but a sense of pride. While it didn't come out of his mouth, it showed all over his body that he was proud to become the first black coach to lead his team to a Super Bowl.

"We" were proud too.

Some two hours later, things didn't look so bright for Tony Dungy, head coach of the Indianapolis Colts and unofficial president of the Light Skin Association. The Colts trailed the Patriots 21-3 in the second quarter, which left many thinking, "Here we go again." But somehow, someway, Dungy, Peyton Manning and the rest of the Colts fought back to win the game 38-34.

Mission Accomplished: Soul Bowl I

While many may not admit it openly, that day, black folk silently cheered for Smith and Dungy, even if they weren't a fan of the Bears and Colts. Silently, we wanted to see history made. Silently we hoped, at least, for one of the two to make it. But both?! A certain sense of pride sifted through our communities, our churches, our barbershops. For a few hours that Sunday evening, it seemed as though we collectively had something to enjoy as one. Something to be proud of. To say that the black communities response is racists is far from the truth. There's a difference between racism and race pride. That's all it was. "We" were proud to see "our" brothas achieve.

So, on Feb. 4, Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith will make history. It's fun now to find humor in the event. To call it the "Soul Bowl" to say only chicken and barbeque will be served at halftime. But the reality is, this is a big deal, to us at least. Many remember when the idea of just having a black quarterback was laughable and the thought of a black head coach was inconceivable. Sure, this is 2007 and we as a country have come along whay, but in order to know where you're going, you have to appreciate where you've come from.

We appreciate Lovie and Tony and will be proud no matter who wins.

She-Her

2007-01-22T12:06:00.000-05:00

I remember vividly the first time I met her. She was very busy, but out of respect for a friend, took the time to introduce herself and shake my hand. I saw the look on her face. It said "and you are" and "well, um, nice to meet you." As she walked away, her strut sent a feeling of intrigue and curiosity through my soul. She was in a zone, in her element and she probably forgot about me be the time she got across the room. I thought about her here and there and a few days later, I went to a house party and she was there. I wondered if she remembered my name, because I remembered hers. We watched the game, making small talk along the way. I was simply trying to feel her out and see what she was about. At the time, I couldn't "express" myself to her, because she wasn't my "she,", so I just conversated with her to see where her head was at. She became so bold, that she made a joke about me in front of everyone. Oh yeah, her head was big. I was like "does she even know me like that?" But, nonetheless, I let her have her moment. She felt good about herself.

Over time me and her would become good friends. As I experienced perhaps one of the toughest times thus far in my 24 years, she was there. Her advice and support was need and right on time. She made sure she wasn't a distraction or wasn't getting in the way, but she was and still is always there when I needed her. She became my party buddy. Me, her and others would take over the club. All eyes would be on us. The vibe between me and her was never forced, it seemed so natural, as though she had been in my life for 20 years. It, in a short time, got to the point where I could just look at her and know what she was thinking. When her finger points, I know what she means. When she gets excited, her face gets red.

She likes The Shawshank Redemption. One of her favorite topics of the movies is hope. Hope is a good thing. It's a phase that me and her use often. When she says it, I know what she means and vice-versa. So, the more I get to know her, the more I hope she stays around. I hope to be in her presence. She is very simple, but her simplicity intrigues me. I hope if she reads this, so realizes how much her being my friend means. She makes me smile and I hope it stays that way, if only for a little while.

Stay classy, LT

2007-01-16T10:47:00.000-05:00

People continuously ask me to weigh in on the latest happenings in the sports world. While I love sports and find it flattering that people value my opinion, what they fail to realize is that it's not my life. Granted, my career has revolved around sports to this point, there are many other things that peak my interest. But there are certain occassions when I decide a sports-related post is warranted.

This past Sunday, the boring, yet consistent New England Patriots surprisingly defeated the San Diego to earn their way to yet another AFC Championship game. The Chargers finished the season 14-2, the best record in the NFL and to some, were the favorites to represent the AFC in Super Bowl. But a series of bad breaks, turnovers and awful coaching cost the Chargers the game and ended their season far earlier than expected.

LaDainian Tomlinson (pictured above) is a beast. Not only did he rush for over 1800 yards this season and an NFL-record 31 touchdowns , but he helped me dominate my fantasy league and win $450. But after the loss, LT, who in his words "is always classy" kind of lost it when some Pats players were dancing on the field and being unclassy.

At first, I sided with LT. Yes, the Patriots have 3 Super Bowls, they've been there before. Are they allowed to celebrate? Yes? But are they supposed to "show up" the opposing team on their home field? Probably not. But after I looked back on it, I realized that, while LT had a point, the Chargers simply shouldn't have lost the game.

I tend to try and find life lessons in every situation. The measure of a man (woman) is how he handles himself in time of adversity and trials. So to hear the self-proclaimed "classy" LT essentially whine about the Pats players doing their thing, I lost a lot of respect of him. So in life, if you don't want someone to rain on your parade, so let them build a better float.

Our time in history...

2007-01-09T11:49:00.000-05:00

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. - George Carlin

The above passage was taken from an email I received this morning from a very special person. It was written by George Carlin, who has made a career off of borderline inappropriate comedy. So, at first glance, it was surprising to me to read the way in which expressed Carlin himself in such a fluid manner and at the same time not losing the effect of the piece.

It appears that Carlin wrote this piece after his wife died some years back, an event that can soften even the hardest comedian. At the risk of not wanting to bore you, I won't post the entire writing, just let you know that it perfectly summarizes this day and age.

In an age of high technology, fast cars and fast money, we often take for granted the little things in our lives, which in reality should matter the most. Things such as family, friends and just the ability to laugh have been put much lower of the priority list. One of the lines in Carlin's passage was where he said "we spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less." Often times when we enjoy financial success, we tend to think this is our key to happiness. We buy clothes we don't need, cars that take all our money in gas and eat food that's not healthy. While these things may provide temporary enjoyment and satisfaction, the fade away fast and we find ourselves left with an empty feeling and the cycle begins again.

Our time in history is short. Granted some people's stay on Earth is longer than others. However, we must make the most of our time, because we never know when the light switch will be turned off forever. It's important that we live, love and laugh. We must not get caught up in the world and what it has to offer, rather we must put higher priority on the little things, like family, friends and self happiness. These things and more will have bigger impact on our time in history. We must use our time wisely...if only for a little while.

You smell that?

2007-01-08T15:55:00.000-05:00

So, the hot news of today is a "pervasive" odor that's been sifting through the streets of Manhattan. At first, one would just assume it was Jersey, but that smell usually goes away after sometime. But unlike a normal gas leak, which happens all the time according to NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg, this odor was, and as of the time I'm writing, still is very prevelant in parts of the city. NYC is definitely not preserving the sexy today. I obviously find stories like these assuming, mainly because of the ridiculous overblown coverage of it. I mean, seriously, do we really need Soledad O'Brien, although she is good t.v. eye candy, reporting live from 34th and 8th asking people what to they smell? So to get to the bottom of it, I got in contact with my dear friend, Miss Erinn Johnson who is a self-proclaimed New Yorker, but in reality is from central Pennsylvania. If anyone would know what was going on, I figured it would be EJ.

Her response: "I don't smell shit."

It baffled me that someone who worked in Manhattan claims to have not smelled anything all day. I thought to myself, either EJ is lying or needs to have her nasal passages checked. Because, accoring to CNN, all of two people (insert sarcasm) were rushed to the hospital.

I'm not in anyway trying to minimize the dangers of a hazardous leak, but this story was clearly blown out of proportion.

In other news...

- I made a conscious effort to get up and attend church Sunday morning. I know the Lord and although he hardly didn't recognize me at first when I walked in the sanctuary on Sunday, I hope at least my face looked familiar to him. Nonetheless, I felt good on the inside to start the first Sunday of the year off in the house of the Lord.

-Speaking of going to church, for the first time in a few years, I actually wrote down about 10 goals in which I want to try and achieve this year. I won't discolse them, but when I do (and I will) accomplish them, I'll let you know.

Until next time...

2007

2007-01-05T10:24:00.000-05:00

A las! The prodigal son returneth. So, here we are in a New Year, a new beginning, a new chapter of life. Less than a week ago, I said goodbye to 2006 and hello and bring it on to 2007. But before I can go forward, I have to look back with thanks and appreciation to the year that I was blessed with in 2006. All in all, 2006 was a good year for me. As always, there were doors opened for me and just as many doors were shut. I laughed, cried, left a job, started a new one, moved and made a life-changing decision.

So, as a sit in the beach chair today, I'm in a calm state. I'm happy. Just like sitting on the beach looking out to the ocean wondering where it ends, I wonder with excitement what 2007 will bring. I know there will be adversity. I know there will be good times. I know there will be times where I'm alone and will wonder and question myself and where I'm at in my life. The key to this year being a success is to first, know that these things will occur and second, be mentally prepared to handle them.

Things can go good for only so long. God has a way of throwing curve balls to test our faith and see how we handle certain situations. He's always there, but he gives us opportunities to make sure that our audio is hooked up to our video. For as happy as we are when things are going smooth, we have to be able to accept it when things don't go our way, as painful as it may be at the time.

So yes, it is 2007. I'm ready for it. Bring it on!

Christmas shopping...

2006-12-19T16:59:00.000-05:00

As I sit in a state of boredom at my desk, I'm thinking about the adventure I am about to embark on once I leave the office. It's the adventure that is Christmas shopping. Throughout the day (in between work, of course) I browsed the net, looking for prospective gifts. I do this because I want to get in and get out of the mall as quickly as possible. In recent years, the commercialization of Christmas has become enormously outrageous and Christmas shopping become out of control. While I'll save the commercialization of CHRISTmas for another blog, sales, buy one, get one frees and coupons have made me not look forward to going out to the mall. I'm dreading spending 20-plus minutes trying to find a parking spot. I'm not at all looking forward to bobbing and weave around old ladies who are lost and teenagers who gossiping on the cell phone and aren't going to buy anything.

I have made a list, so that I can make my trip to the mall go as smooth as possible. But, despite that, I know something is going to go wrong. I know I'm probably not going to find everything I'm looking for. I know an item I want is going to ring up 20 percent off the original price AS IT CLEARLY STATED and I'm going to have to bite my tongue and not cuss out the sales associate. I know when I get home and look at my account online, I'm going that sit back and question what i just bought.

Nonetheless, that's part of what makes the holiday season so special. Going out, fighting the crowds and doing last minute shopping. The reality is, if my shopping doesn't get done today, it's not going to get done. So, if you are reading this and are expecting a gift from me, don't get your hopes up to high because I'd hate for you to get disappointed.

So, I'm off! Here's to Christmas shopping and to you, my faithful readers, don't forget to pick me up something when you're out shopping. I'll accept anything, except tube socks.

The Prelude...

2006-12-18T17:48:00.001-05:00

I'm back! Many of you may recognize me and my work from The Boom-Boom Room, a blog I maintained for a little over a year. It was a place where, through the written and read word, I could share a little piece of my world to the blogosphere. However, as time progressed, the doors of the Boom-Boom Room needed to close. A vacation from blogging was needed. But much like MJ, Jay-Z and George Foreman, I felt the need to make a comeback. My job now doesn't require me to write that much, so I needed an outlet. I needed a place to express my thoughts, feelings and emotions freely and without limitations. So I introduce the Beach Chair. When we think about a beach chair, an image of relaxation comes to mind. A place to sit and enjoy the peaceful sound of waves, the warmth of the sun rays and the smell of the the ocean. Similar to those thoughts, this is what I expect this blog to be. A forum in which expression is welcome, the written word is powerful and a good time can be had.