Movin' on up!

So, if you've come here lately and not seen any posts, there are two reasons. One, I haven't had anything to write/talk about and two, I've been trying to find a cleaner site for the Beach Chair.

Alas!

The "new" Beach Chair can be found here:

http://jamarhudson.wordpress.com/

Understanding

"I hope my true muthafuckas know, this be the realist shit I ever wrote" - Tupac

Those who read this blog on the regular know and understand how I feel about the SO. I dedicated several posts to her sharing with the outside world, how special she is to me and how much I care.

So to be fair and not to front like everything is always rosey and peaches and cream, I had to share went things weren't so good. So in my previous post, I did that.

To rehash, I fucked up a week or so ago. I made a mistake and upset the SO. It was, in the year or so we've known each other. The first "argument" we've ever had. It was my fault and I took and continue to take responsibility.

Now, because we have never had been in that situation, we really didn't know how the other person would react. Sure, we've had discussions of "past" situations and that gave each of us an idea of what to expect. But, until it happened we really didn't grasp it.

Naturally, for me, I wanted to quickly correct the problem. I shared with a few of my friends that in the days since, I've rewritten the book on apologies. And I have. That, and vowing to look at things I can change about myself that I know are not where they should be. Not that I haven't been doing so all along, but sometimes, things happen that open your eyes and put things in perspective.

For me, while not trying to dismiss or ignore what happened, it was squashed.

But I'm a guy and we're stupid.

She was hurting and rightfully so. While she tried not to be upset, the waterpark was open for business. Despite my attempts to make her smile and show her I was genuinely sorry, the pain was still there and it showed. The guy in me tried to figure out whether what I did was that bad. She validated it by putting it in the top five worst things of all time. For me, I thought that was bullshit. But I respected what she was saying.

In what I thought was a knee-jerk reaction, she suggested that maybe we needed to take some time apart so I could "grow" In this time, I could figure out "who I was individually" and do some self examination. Admittedly, it caught me off guard, but she was very adimant about it. She got reinforcement from her best friend that, in this situation, she would do the same thing as well.

Hearing that put me in a "What the fuck" state of mind. In know way, ladies, was I trying to ignore the fact that I messed up, because I did. But to me, I was given a 50 to life sentence for a parking violation. Was that fair? In my mind, no. For me, I was like look at my record, your honor. Never since we met, had I given her any reason to question my motives, but nonetheless, I needed time to "grow"

"Go to your room and think about it, and get at me later"

Perhaps the fact that I'm younger and still maturing doesn't allow me to see the "big" picture. But is there really a big picture to see? What happened to working through your problems together? No, you need a couple of months to grow up young man.

So, because I saw the passion in what she was saying and suggesting, I abliged. In my mind, I was just going to get the fuck out of the way. I wasn't going to call, be around, come visit or anything. Was I going to stop caring, no. Did this mean that my love and affection would cease. No. Because this was not something, I understood, nor wanted to do.

So, for all of 2 days, I tried, but because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing or where we stood, I had to call and seek clarification. So I did, going against everything I'd set out to accomplish during my "timeout" I had to know for myself.

And while she tried her bestest to explain things to me, I was still confused and because of that frustrated me more. To make a long story short (ha!) we decided maybe this wasn't the best thing for us.

I'm straddling the fence on this. In her eyes, I saw passion and sterness when she shared that this is what she thought was the best decision. And part of me thinks we gave up.

But aside from the fact that I disagree and don't see how this will benefit me, I was fearful about how this would affect our relationship. While it's easy to say "oh, in a couple of months, everything we'll be fine and we can revisit it" Quite frankly, to me that's bullshit. In my mind, does this mean, in the future every time we have a beef, she'll want to "disconnect" for a while. How healthy is that.

So to those who read this, please let me know if I'm totally off base here. I'm not perfect and never have claimed to be. All I want is undertanding. Because right now, although we're trying, I'm completely lost.

Change is good

Greetings! I know, I know. It's been like a month since I've relaxed in the Beach Chair, but I've had a lot going on.

But...better late than never.

Nobody and I mean nobody, should ever think so highly of themselves that they're immune to change. Because at some point in time, there are things about his or herself that needs altering.

I've reached that point.

Guys are dumb. Present company included. And, when it comes to relationships, we are even dumber.

This past weekend, I messed up with the SO. And while the first step is admitted you're wrong, it could have been avoided.

I'll save you the details, but understand, it was kind of bad. In the bad 48 hours, I've rewritten tbe book on apologies.

While my intentions were good, my methods were horrible. But, in hindsight, the experience although negative may have been a positive in the long run.

It was an eye-opener for me and made me realize that, if I want to keep this good woman I have, there are things I need to straighten up.

Not to say that I need to change who "I" am, but in reference to the relationship and its future success, there are things that need tweaking. And I intend on doing so.

For both parties, it's a work in progress. She, while adamant of not wanting me to change, had to understand that I'm attempted to this not for me, but for us, and our best interests is in my efforts.

There are things about me that I am not proud of. Some related to the relationship and some not. But to avoid them and hope they will pass over is the wrong approach. Not that I shouldn't with all of them, but certain ones I've prayed hard about. Others are just a matter of using better judgement and making better decisions.

I want to be the best I can be, but to be the best, there needs to be some work done under the hood. Change is not necessarily a bad thing.

Do you like me? -- Check "yes" Check "no"

So Thursday is Valentine's Day. A day in which guys across the nation scramble to do something nice for that special young lady in their life. If you need proof, go to the mall or your local CVS or Walgreens on Wednesday evening and notice all the frantic looks on the guys faces as they struggle to get that last minute card for their boo.

To my surprise, many woman are against Valentine's Day Some say that this type of behavior should be shown everyday and not just when the calendar reads "February 14" Others have a man who "acts right" and doesn't want him to go out of his way to spend extra money because she's already happy. Others are just bitter because they are single and they see their co-workers, friends and family going out and they are left at home watching HGTV.

Not that there's anything wrong with not going out, but Valentine's Day is one of those days were you're kind of straddling the fence. It's one of those "this is what you're supposed to do" type of holidays. Meaning that for years, people have done things and for some reason, those traditions have just been passed down over generations. Roses, teddy bears, candy. But if my boo, jump-off, wife or significant other doesn't like/want any of those things, what's a guy to do.

Creativity is a must and it scores big with the ladies. So on Thursday if you don't want to be sleeping on couch Friday, do something nice for your special someone, even if it's a simple "do you like me" check yes, check no note.

Could it be?

I've stayed away from the political talk on here for several reasons. The main one being that the campaigning has been going on for over a year and I wanted to wait until we still didn't have 100 candidates in the running.

So, with loverboy John Edwards set to drop out of the democratic race, it appears it will come down to Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama for the democratic nomination.

With Super Tuesday looming, Obama is coming off a convincing win in South Carolina and is carrying a ton of momentum in what can be a make or break day for a candidate. With prominent democrat Ted Kennedy in his corner, Obama is gaining steam and has a lot of people in his corner.

Could it be?

Aside from "Run Jesse Run!" back in the late 80s, never has there been a black candidate who generated so much buzz. And, while Jackson had his moments, he never was really considered a serious contender like Obama is.

I'm not jumping on the bandwagon nor drinking the kool-aid of either candidate, but it says something that the two leading candidates for the democratic nomination is a woman and a black man. Either way, it will be historic.

But despite Obama's charisma and appeal, are we really, really ready for a black, even if he's lightskinned, president?

Only time will tell.

Yeah...she could get it

Disclaimer: I did this post as a guest blog for some friends of mine. But, because I'm a man of the people, I decided to post it here as well. Enjoy.

The lovely ladies of the Atlanta Soulcialites have been so kind to ask me my input on the top actresses over 40 who could “get it”. I thank them for the opportunity and also for opening a huge can of worms. I will put down my humble card for a few minutes, because there is no better authority of “get it-ness” than I.

I am of the opinion that a women, particularly those of color, get super fine until they are 35, so by 40, they are just right, to say the least. And while there are probably “regular” women in the neighborhood, the gym and in the beauty parlor over 40 who are just as, if not more fine, for this discussion, we’ll stick with actresses.

Again, these are my opinions, feel free to rip me apart.



It starts and ends with Halle Berry. When Andre 3000 came up with the Prototype, he was talking about here. Ever since she was the “other chick” in Boomerang a while back to her 10 seconds in Swordfish where she showed the world her goodies, Berry has always been considered one of the most beautiful women in the world. She could get it, whenever, wherever and however. Although, from her track record, I may be a little to dark for her.

Halle Berry: 5 magnums





A close second is Angela Bassett. Other than some random drunk chick at the club, nothing says getable other than class and elegance, all of which Bassett has. Even though Taye Diggs helped get her groove back, Bassett still has some left in the tank and could definitely get it…on silk sheets with the Waiting to Exhale Soundtrack playing in the background of course.

Angela Bassett: 4.5 magnums



Class and respect is fine, so by no means am I dismissing that or dismissing the get it-ness of Angela Basset, but sometimes you need a hood, ride or die chick. Enter Vivica Fox. The Soul Foodin’, Kill Billin’ Set if Off up in here actress turned socialite could get in the backseat of the caprice, with GUnit blaring out the subwoofers.

Vivica Fox: 4.2/3 magnums




I honestly tried to diversify this list with some “wild cards” so to speak, so consider this one actress one you wouldn’t think of off the top of your head.

Salli Richardson.

If you remember A Low Down Dirty Shame, you know what I’m talking about and we could just end the discussion there. But, Richardson is just plain fine and she just turned 40, so she’s still ripe (sorry ladies).

Salli Richardson: 5 magnums




A get it list wouldn’t be complete without a little creole-looking, redboneness. So that’s were Rick Fox’s leftovers Vanessa Williams comes in. I really don’t have much to say, but I think if those seductive eyes were look at me, I’d fold up like a lawn chair.

Vanessa Williams: 3 magnums

2008

Greetings and Happy Belated New Year!

It's been a while since I've posted, as a matter of fact, I haven't blogged since last year! (smile).

With that said, as I prepare to begin the second year of the Beach Chair and another year in my life, it's only fitting to pay homage to 2007 before I can look ahead to my expectations for 2008.

For starters, 2007 was undoubtedly one of the most memorable years of my life. I can't tell you how much I grew as a person. You see, 2007 was the 25th year for me. I heard her and many others share with me that your outlook on things change drastically when you turn 25. I listened, but I didn't hear. I can literally go through each month and tell you many memorable stories that made 2007 special. There isn't enough space on this blog to do this. But let me just share some of why 2007 was special to me.

Maturity -- 2006 was a rough year for me. It was a transitional year for me as well. I started a new job, I ended a previous relationship and I was just all over the place mentally and emotionally. I really didn't know what direction I was heading in life. But, in 2007, I became more stable. In my job, in my love life, monetarily and such. In doing so, I grew up. Moving to the Northeast forces you to do so and do so quickly. Me in 2006 was the complete opposite as me in 2007...and it was for the better.

Perseverance -- Despite all the good things in '07, it wasn't peaches n cream the whole year. There were bumps in the road. Sickness hit my family as my mom had two major surgeries over the course of two months. It was the first time I'd ever seen my mom sick and to go through that, along with the trips from Connecticut to Virginia could have taken a toll on me -- if I'd let it. But I persevered. My grandmother suffered a mild heart attack and my dad's not doing the best. But I persevered. And being able to do that without losing it showed growth and made 2007 great.

These are just two things that stood out to me. There are soo many more to mention, but all in all 2007 was great and one I'll remember forever.

Now, as I prepare for 2008, I prepare to face with with excitement and anticipation of what's to come, knowing that for every good thing that happens, there are going to be some bad times.

Whatever happens, I know it's going to be a great year!